Welcome to Melissa's World

2011-08-22T14:01:00.001-04:00

Someday I hope to understand how our brain works, to understand all the little things that go on behind the scenes, mostly unnoticed, that influence our thoughts and behaviors. Today I awoke in a melancholic mood, followed by tears that I cannot seem to control. As always I ask, “What is wrong with you?” Then I thought about the date, August 22, 2011, six months ago Josh died. I still have not quite understood why my pain is so profound, so deep, so real, my soul aches. Maybe subconsciously, the demonstration of sorrow is a way to ensure that Josh’s memory is never lost. But surely there has to be a better way to pass the time, to keep his memory alive. Figures the one day I wear make-up, the tears stream unrentlessly down my face. But I realize my sorrow, my pain does nothing to memorialize his life, his gift. I know my pain is selfish, my wanting him here so I can feel better, fails to recognize that I should celebrate that he is free from the pains and sufferings of this world. However, at the same time, not everything in this world is pain and suffering while there is so much of that to be had there are so many good things, so much happiness and joy. Yet, maybe the sorrow is evidence there is some kind of closure still missing. That is the problem with death, you don’t know when its coming and it leaves you with so many unanswered questions. A while back I had a dream about Josh, unlike the dreams I had before where he was still alive, only to wake up to the reality that he was gone, in this dream I knew he was gone. We spoke of the afterlife and what it was like. I remember feeling that he was happy, I didn’t want to talk to him about the circumstances of his death because it didn’t seem to matter. For the first time since his death, I woke up from a dream about him not having to relieve every painful moment to realize that in fact his death was not a dream. But the pain of not ever, at least in this life, really having the opportunity to talk with him hurt. This is not at all what I wanted to write about, I didn’t want the focus to be on me and my pain when this is an effort to memorialize him and his life. Having experienced this profound loss, you approach life and death in such a different fashion. You fear losing them in your mind as your memories are all that you have. You think of the countless people whose lives have been lost and no one knows who they were. So I tried to think of a specific memory I have of him to share. I see glimpses of things when we were children, I see him at different points in his life. Of course trying to think of a specific moment or memory to share ensures they will all be cast in this web of obscurity. But what I do have are feelings. I remember how tender he was with our younger siblings, especially little Christy Cora. He loves her so much. He’d call her “pooter.” I don’t remember exactly where the name came from. Then I remembered with his own children, although not biologically his, the great love he showed them and how tender he was with them. I chose this picture of him with Braxton because it just displayed the love that Josh had for the little ones. I think about my writings about Josh’s gift and am again reminded of how I need to not let his loss be in vain and remember to make every moment count. So again, on the sixth month anniversary of his death, I recommit myself to be a better person, daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin, sister, aunt, wife, friend, co-worker, employee, human being. I’m sure I’ll continually fall short but I will always have something to remind me. I love you Josh.

De-Teching and Disposable Technology

2011-06-28T13:37:00.003-04:00

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for progress and improvement, but for an intended end, not just progress and improvement for the sake of progress and improvement. I love many advances in technology. I remember when I lived 5 hours from home, a long, long time ago when cell phones weren't big and neither was the internet. It was hard, I missed my family. I called home once a week, I felt that I missed out on so much that went on while I was away. Now I live 3,000 miles away, but the gap seems much smaller from those days of yester yore when I lived only five hours away. Blogs, Skype, Facebook, free nights and weekends, unlimited long distance calls, really make my world seem so much smaller. I look at the way the church has embraced the dawn of the new day and really effectively used technology to reach out to members and non-members alike (I don’t really like those terms, but I haven’t come up with anything better, yet). Then I see parents at the store with kids iPod in ears, cell phone in hand texting away – zero human to human without the use of an electronic device contact taking place. Maybe if the iPod and the phone stay home some great conversation could take place. Really what does a teen need with a phone at all times? What could be so important?

Then I think of myself sitting on the couch with my boyfriend who I don’t get to spend enough time with anyway both of us on our phones, or one of us on a phone and the other on the computer. And heaven forbid we should speak and actually interrupt whatever important thing the other person must me doing. What gives? I guess its not all technology’s fault. I mean I can put the phone down, and literally that is what I intend to do. But its so easy. With so much so accessible, I’m more connected to the web then the people right next to me. I use my cell phone as an excuse not to make conversation in line at a store, on the elevator, walking to class, pretending to check very important email, when I don’t even have any signal. Its become a safety blanket, justification, excuse, and rationalization.

All this from the girl who didn’t get a cell phone until she was in the later part of her mid-twenties because she didn’t always want to be so accessible to the world and even then after she first got it would turn it off or leave it at home, on purpose a lot of the time.

I firmly believe technology is an addiction. Try leaving your phone at home – you’re panic stricken, anxiety levels rise, you feel out of sorts, you gotta have your phone, and when you’re reunited, what welcomed relief! What does that sound like to you? A junkie looking for her next fix? Heck, just try turning it off for awhile. How long did you last? See what I’m talking about? Scary huh?! I used to laugh when people would say they were addicted to Facebook. Now, I kind of get it. Again, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Facebook, I love that I can keep connected to people, but if Facebook is the connection there’s something wrong.

So the other day I got engaged, my announcement to the world, a Facebook post. I called my family, well my parents, because they don’t have Facebook, but for the rest of you I let you find out on Facebook, I could have called or even sent an email, but I didn’t I made a post. The sad thing is even if I wanted to call; I probably don’t have most of your numbers or addresses. Now granted, not all of you will want to hear from me personally or were even offended by a Facebook announcement and I’m not offended when I don’t get personal notification. I just think that at least for me, I’ve replaced human touch with electronic stuff.

So I’m an addict I’ll admit it, I’m not disciplined enough to just put it down and go cold turkey, so I’m de-teching. I’m doing away with the smart phone and just going back to why I got a cell phone in the first place, emergencies and talking to friends and family far away. I’m going to start sending cards and letters, not type written, but personal. I’m kinda old fashion and traditional anyway.

Not only is there human contact capital cost associated with technology, but then there is the actual cost. My smart phone costs me a little over $100 a month, not bad, (crazy how $100 has become chump change) but then you think that’s almost $1300 a year. $1300!!!!!! Oh there are so many things that I could do with $1300 that would be so much more valuable than what I do with my smart phone. So even if I pare it down to like $60 a month, that’s still a whopping $720 a year. So maybe we become a one cell phone house and one for emergencies. I can use the soon-to-be hubbies phone for his free nights and weekends and then use my phone only for emergencies and then we could pare that $720 a year down even more. That’s assuming I could get him to agree to that. I guess the other option is getting a land line, but I’m not sure how economical those things are now days or maybe Vonage or something of the sort around $360 a year, not bad and a little more each month for a pay as you go cell phone. Way better than $1300 that’s almost a $1000, that’s a fun vacation or money for a rainy day. In five years that’s close to $5000, that’s almost as much as I have ever paid for a car!

Then today I discovered eBooks through Google, technically I discovered them on Sunday (see explanation below), but today I really saw what eBooks was all about. Although, I’m quite convinced that Google is planning to take over the world (I’m not sure if it is a sinister plan or not), they do have some pretty awesome stuff. Lots and lots of free books, classics even that no one reads any more. All this wonderful stuff all at my finger tips, I can’t give up my phone now?! It is really helpful, I mean just this Sunday I was preparing my lesson for Primary and I meant to grab my copy of Jesus the Christ on the way out the door, but I forgot. Halfway through sacrament I remembered that I forgot. No problem, I whipped out the phone and through eBooks downloaded it for free. But I’m not going to use that as a crutch to hold onto my smart phone. So I thought instead of my phone I’ll just get an eReader of sorts a Kindle or Nook or something. I’d rather have books, paper ones even, the ones I can mark and hold and smell. The ones where I can remember where I read something by the way it looked on the page and how I had marked it. But the convenience factor of having an entire library a lot of it free at my finger tips is so very tempting.

That takes me to the next part, the disposable technology. So last year I bought my first cell phone that did more than just make calls and send texts, it retailed at like $500, but because I was due for an upgrade I only paid $150. Only a few months later, it was obsolete. It had just come out and within a couple of months a new 4G phone came out. I can’t even get accessories for my current phone. To me $150 was a chunk of change and $500 was beyond justification and but for the discounted price available via upgrade was the only reason I did. But it wasn’t so much the money, but the knowledge that I was forking out money for something that wouldn’t last. Although I had no idea that its life would only be months old. If technology is going to be disposable then it should be sold at disposable prices. I know that a lot of money goes into these developments and a lot of smart people spend a lot of time and energy, but still it is hard for me to want to fork out a good chunk of money for something that I know isn’t going to last and in a short while will need to be upgraded anyway because changes in technology make it not as useful and cumbersome. I wouldn’t mind putting $500 down for something that I new would last and I didn’t have the fear of it becoming obsolete shortly after my purchase. So if I get the latest and greatest Nook that’s $249. That’s $20.75 a month, if I only read the free books. I could easily spend that much a month on paper books. But if the thing will last 5 years that’s only $4.15 a month, if I only read the free books, but at $4.15 a month I can fork out some money and pay for some books. With the Nook I can highlight and take notes, although not quite like actually having the book in my hand, but I can have a whole lot more books in my hand at once and on demand. I like that as long as there isn’t a monthly service plan. I’m not sure how realistic my 5 year lifespan is for the Nook or that the thing will still be compatible and functional with other technology… That is my dilemma and why I’m so hesitant to make technology purchases. Take my laptop. I’ve only had the thing for three years and the screen is kaput, the rest of it still works fine although I’m sure there are things that work finer, it does what I need it to do. I really need to replace it, but just that fear of being obsolete freezes my purchase power.

So now I’ve done it. I’ve used technology to help you waste however long it took you to read this post, time that you will never get back… But think about it… Maybe I’m wrong… But maybe I’m not so far off base…

Our Story

2011-05-03T11:19:00.005-04:00

THE PROPOSAL

Sunday night I went to dinner at Darrell’s parents’ house. I was not expecting any kind of proposal. We had pizza and after dinner his mom brought out Cracker Jacks for dessert. Darrell was always joking about we don’t need to get you a ring; we’ll just get something out of a Cracker Jack box. So when she handed me the box, I made the joke of “maybe there’s a ring in here.” I wasn’t thinking engagement ring, but just cheapo plastic ring. So I look in the box and it looks like a ring, but at this point I’m still thinking cheapo plastic ring. But I was rather amused by the fact that I was joking about finding a ring in the box and there just might be one. So I go to pull a ring out and it is THE ring. I was super excited. It was BEAUTIFUL! Then I started laughing at my “joke.” Poor Darrell thought I had guessed the surprise and so he was a little upset, but then I explained how I had no clue until I pulled out the ring that he was proposing. It was very memorable. I kept the box. I absolutely love the manner he chose to give me the ring. Every time I see a Cracker Jack box or hear it mentioned, I will forever think of that day.

THE RING

The ring is gorgeous, the pictures really do not do it justice. But not only is it a beautiful ring, it is a very special ring. It is special because the diamonds in it belong to Darrell’s mom. That is my favorite part. It meant so much to me that she would give me her diamonds. I will treasure it always. The ring is one marquee cut stone and two smaller pear shaped ones. Because I can’t stop looking at it (Darrell tells me I’m going to wear it out) I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I like the three stones; they can symbolize so many things. The center stone can symbolize Darrell and me as the union of two families with one of the smaller stones representing his family and the other representing my own. The center stone can also represent God as the center of our relationship with Darrell and me being represented by one of the smaller stones. It also can symbolize the union of Darrell and me as we become one. It can also represent the past, present, and future. But enough of that I just feel so blessed.

THE MAN

I cannot say enough good things about Darrell. We met February 15, 2008. I met Darrell through our mutual friend Dave Wheeler who is now married to my good friend Darah Saxon Wheeler. I was immediately attracted to not only this incredibly tall handsome man, with dark hair and honey brown eyes, but his quick wit and kind heart. I was hooked. Darrell took a little more convincing and we started dating just before I started law school. Shortly after I was introduced to his family and immediately fell in love with everyone. They from the very start have taken me in as one of their own.

Our almost three year journey has been full of every emotion imaginable. We’ve faced and conquered serious trials and come out stronger, united, and deeper in love.

But through it all Darrell has been there for me when I needed him most. He has seen me through some of my darkest moments. Darrell has seen me at my worst and still loves me. He also pushes and inspires me to be my best. He’s supportive of me in my many endeavors and tolerant of my sometimes quirky traits. He has definitely divided my sorrow and more than doubled my joy.

I look forward to our new life together with anxious excitement.

I had a dream...

2011-04-26T11:05:00.002-04:00

So I’ve been struggling lately. Things started to get better and then out of no where the crying spells began again. I missed my brother. Everything reminded me of how he wasn’t going to be there. It started with the people I live with. They had all their kids over one weekend and all I could think about was how in this life we’d never all be together again. Then it spiraled down from there. Then Sunday night, I had a dream. Prior to this whenever I had a dream about Josh, I’d wake up and have to convince myself that he was in fact dead. Then the whole grieving process would start again. It was miserable. This time, however, when I talked with him, I knew he was dead. I didn’t want to talk to him about how or why he died but we talked about everything else. I told him how much he is loved and how much he is missed. We talked about heaven and hell are like. It was very interesting and insightful. Then my alarm went off and he was gone. I was heartbroken all over again. I wasn’t done talking with him and it wasn’t like I could pick up the phone and call him. Then the tears began, again. Never having dealt with a loss like this, I wasn’t sure how it was supposed to go. I figured I would always miss him, but I just wanted to know when the bitter, heart wrenching pain would end. I called my sweet boyfriend, just to have someone to talk to about it. He was so comforting and reassuring. Together we came to the following conclusions. My desire to have Josh here is selfish. In the dream Josh was so happy and so at peace. He was finally free of all that earthly pain and misery that had plagued him for so long. How could I desire to take that happiness and peace from him, just so he could be here again? I guess it really is true that misery loves company. This is one of those moments where I have lost the ability to express what is in my heart and in my mind. If you could just take a glimpse inside, it is much more eloquently expressed there. Darrell said something along the lines of “Josh is happy, so why are you so miserable? He doesn’t want you to be miserable. You should be happy for him, he’s happy. He’s got two legs and he’s running around having a good time free from all that crap he had to deal with here. He’s the one that should be sorry that we still have to endure the pains of life.” He’s right. Don’t get me wrong, Darrell and I both love life and have no desire to leave this earth life a minute before we have to, but we both long for home. I guess the point of all this is that I still miss Josh. I still wish he were here with us. My desires aside, I am happy that he is happy. I’m not going to speculate on whether I actually spoke with Josh or if it was just a dream, because it doesn’t matter the lesson is still the same. In the dream Josh told me he had been trying to talk with me for a long time. Josh isn’t gone, he’s still here, in our minds and hearts. So even if I won’t see his face for a while, I hope that I will get to feel his presence. Since that really didn’t conclude things, I guess the final thought is I will be happy because he is happy and I know he’s here and while he won’t be there in person at all those events I want him to be at, I know he’ll be there in our hearts and our minds.

Josh's Gift

2011-03-22T12:15:00.000-04:00

I love this picture of Josh. I don't know why, it just seems to exude Joshness. As many of you may be aware my brother, Joshua David Andrews, passed away on February 22, 2011. It was shocking and unexpected and left a hole in our hearts and our family. Today marks the one month anniversary of his death. Its hard to believe a month has already gone by. It seems like yesterday, I was getting on a plane to say my last goodbyes. I keep thinking I need to text him or call him to check up on him. I wake up in the morning thinking that it was all a bad dream and then having to go through the process of remembering that he is dead. I don’t like the word dead. I think of death and I think of an empty body lying alone in the grave and my heart just aches. But I don’t like gone either because he still exists, just not in flesh and blood. I keep thinking of all the things that will be incomplete while we are still on this earth – family pictures, get togethers, my future spouse and children will never have met him. You just never imagine what life would be like when someone is gone. While I know that God has a plan and that we will be united as a family with Josh again, it does little to fill the hole right now. While I am excited to see him again on the other side, I miss him here with us now.

Having to confront this harsh and abrupt change has made me look at life and seek for something good to come of this. That’s when I came up with the idea of Josh’s Gift. It is so easy to think of the bad things and the lost things so easy to drown myself in sorrow and misery. It was really hard at first to be around people who were happy and smiling, I wanted them to feel my loss, to feel my pain to know that all was not right with the world because Josh was no longer here. I found solace in gloomy days when it seemed the whole world or at least my section of it was as miserable as I was. I still have hard moments, but I have more good moments although the balance is still tipped in favor of the hard moments. So I thought about the need to not focus on what was lost, but what was gained. Josh wasn’t perfect but I know he had a good heart and I learned so much from him. The last few years of his life were tough I can only imagine the physical and emotional pain he suffered. But I didn’t know how to talk to him in a way that let him know I sympathized or reach out to him. But thinking of all this has made me want to be more compassionate, kinder, loving. It makes me want to reach out and help the downtrodden, lonely, and those that need help but don’t know how to ask for it. It has made me realize what a precious gift we have of life and want to enjoy it to the max and not waste those precious moments glued to the TV. It makes me want to dive in and experience all life has to offer and really live everyday as though it is your last.

I want to gather my loved ones around and spend every moment I have with them. But I still have responsibilities I have to make money to support myself and I think about how that process sucks so much out of my day, how I spend more hours in the office than I do any other single thing. Its still a battle to get out of bed in the morning – I think about what I spend most of my life doing and how in the end none of it matters. Yet despite my need to be more compassionate to live life to cherish every moment I find myself falling short. I find myself angered over inconsequential matters, speaking harshly to family and my sweet boyfriend, failing to be as aware and considerate of other’s needs as I am of my own. I find myself lying awake at night kicking myself for every little mistake wanting to rewind to that moment and do it all again and let go of all that stupid little stuff. I am harsher on myself than I have ever been before because I feel if I fail, I let Josh down, I let his death be in vain if I do not emerge from this experience a better person, a kinder person, a stronger person. I try to think about what Josh would want us to do, want me to do. I wonder if he misses us as much as we miss him and then my heartbreaks again.

A lady at work knows a family whose son was in need of a liver transplant. He just recently received one. It was a bittersweet remembrance of our pain at our lost and the comfort of someone else’s gain. Josh’s liver went to a 55 year old female in San Diego, CA. His kidney went to a 55 year old female in Nevada. His heart went to a 41 year old female in Los Angles, CA. His pancreas went to a 48 year old male in Maryland. Four lives that can still be lived because of his gift, four families who get the gift of their loved one’s life. I hope they cherish their second chance and don’t squander it because a heavy price was paid. I don’t say that to put any guilt on anyone, but I wish we could have gotten a second chance and so my feelings are sharp and poignant. I know they are aware of the sacrifice that took place, but they didn’t know Josh and can’t comprehend the depth of our sorrow and pain. But we were so grateful to give them that opportunity, so grateful that his memory will go on.

Then of course my next thought is the atonement and repentance and the death of my elder brother Jesus Christ and his gift to us. I think about his words of pleading with us to remember, remember his sacrifice. To remember the second chance that we have been given. To not squander our lives away with the things that do not matter. To remember what this life is about.

That is Josh’s gift. A reminder of how precious each and every life is. A reminder that every person is important. A reminder to never forget.

I miss you Josh.

Why I Didn't Vote

2010-11-04T19:44:00.000-04:00

I realize that a huge price was paid so that I could have the right and privilege to let my voice be heard by voting. As a woman, this is especially true since this is a fairly new development that gave credence to me as a woman. That being said, this is not something I take lightly. My decision was not apathetic or lazy, but it was well thought out and carefully considered. By not voting my voice is still being heard, my ballot has been cast and I chose no one. I am not going to cast my vote for something I do not agree with. I am not going to vote for the sake of voting.

However, no longer is my ability to make my voice heard limited to the ballot box. There are so many forums that give place for me to stand on my soap box. It does not matter to me that congress, my governor, nor any of my elected representatives will ever read this, or even if they do that it would ever influence them. I am but one person and I cannot and refuse to offer that which they crave, power and prestige, for I have none. Yet even if I had any it would not be mine to give away. I feel both are to be earned and simply being elected is insufficient in to grant you either. You may wield power temporarily, but that is not true power, it is fickle and waning. Once you leave office that power is gone and unless real power has been earned your influence ends when you are voted out.

I am tired of choosing the lesser of evils. Politicians no longer represent the American people. It is not my interests they are concerned over. They care more about preserving power than doing the right thing. By right thing I don’t mean voting one party’s line or the other. I may not like the stance you take, but I would still consider it the right thing if you stick by your guns and fail to be swayed by special interest groups whether that special interest group is conservative or liberal. It is your community that you represent. I don’t really care what the other guy did or didn’t do. I care about what you did or will do and not just empty promises. Don’t promise me the world if you can’t deliver. You may or may not be able to effect change, but I do expect you to have a back bone.

An election is a mere popularity contest, the man comes down from the hill to mingle with us common folk and then once elected returns to the top of his mountain and forgets the ones who put him where he is. Tell me how a career politician is in touch with the needs of Main Street or understands the goings on of Wall Street? They are largely untouched by the decisions they make as they know the ins and outs and how to work the system they create. If it is such a good thing for

America

, why is it not good enough for you?

Unfortunately the kind of people we need in politics are those people who are turned off by the process and the political games. If ever they do venture and make it, it is not long before they too like the rest forget what it was that got them where they were in the first place. That kind of power corrupts and if a cucumber sits in brine long enough, it will become a pickle regardless of his intentions. There is talk of term limits and other measures, but we forget the power to make those decisions is the hands of those who will stop at nothing to protect the power they have. Is a career politician really going to vote or even consider bringing a bill that will diminish the power they so crave?

Politicians care about power and once they get a taste they don’t want to let go. It becomes a quest and they will stop at nothing to get it. I am sick of back room deals and closed doors. You represent me remember? Are you afraid I might find out what is really going on? Well I hate to tell you but you can keep no secret. Eventually your hidden works will become known. I understand the sensitive nature of some tasks our politicians deal with but not everything is equated with national security and requires a closed and padlocked door.

So no I didn’t vote and I will continue to not vote until you give me something worth voting for.

PS I do not absolve myself of liability of having something worth voting for and I do realize that not only candidates are on the ballot. In the future I may consider voting on just the issues and not the politicians, but I have to give that more thought....

But if not...

2010-09-10T11:09:00.000-04:00

A lot of things have been on my mind lately. As you know my sister has cancer, but additionally my family has had some setbacks and I’ve been dealing with my own personal issues. It just seems that so much of me is taken up by just getting up every morning that I don’t have the strength to deal with little things. Talk about mole hills being mountains, that is how I’ve felt the last few months. It seems like just when I’m on the verge of giving in to the darkness a little ray of sunshine comes peeping through and pulls me off the brink of destruction and then just as quickly I’m right back on the edge again. As the oldest child, I’ve developed a mother hen mentality, or maybe its something oldest children are born with. When the crap hits the fan I want to gather my siblings under my wings and keep them safe. Yet, the more I try to gather it seems the heavier the storm rages. Star’s battle with cancer has been especially difficult. It is no secret she is the glue that keeps the family together and while I have left the nest and wandered far from home, I’ve never had to worry because Star was there to make sure everything was ok. I’ve kinda abdicated the oldest child role to her over the years. She too has been my rock and so this has been especially hard. Every setback and defeat has been a heart breaking and crushing blow for me and so I can only imagine how Star must feel. I went home for a week and got to spend some time with Star and for a short moment the reality of her situation slapped me in the face. She was so positive and tried to be strong, but I could see the toll the fight was having on her. When I left she had at least eight more weeks of treatment with no real end in sight. It was hard to leave. Then shortly after coming home, on one of those days where I was moments from letting the darkness engulf me we got the news that her counts were finally in the normal range and she only had three more weeks of chemo. It was an enormous blessing, finally there was an end in sight. My spirits were lifted and I felt energized. Then with one week of treatment left we get the news that she might have to undergo more treatment. Her body and spirit were so worn out. This last go around the hardest thing was to not even be able to offer words of comfort. But thankfully the words of a stranger said exactly what she needed to hear. http://strbrte.blogspot.com/2010/09/perspective.html Throughout all this two themes, well really three have been forefront on my mind. If you don’t mind, I’d like to share them with you. This is going to be a long post, but then again most of my posts are.

Theme 1 – But if not…(see Daniel 3)

At the end of 2006, a month before I was to be married, my fiancé abruptly broke off the engagement. After a tumultuous four year relationship, he all of the sudden didn’t know if he loved me anymore. He didn’t want to get married, but he wanted to keep me on the merry-go-round with him – you know that whole you’re not sure that you love me, but not sure enough to let me go thing. I walked away. Prior to this moment, I had been hesitant about the relationship for a while and finally decided either I had to firmly commit myself or walk away. I decided to commit and as a token of my commitment to him, I bought I wedding dress I couldn’t return. It still hangs in my closet today, so if you know of anyone who needs a modest wedding dress, I’m willing to sell it for a reasonable price. But at the time it seemed that just as I was stepping on what I thought was firm ground, the rug was pulled from underneath me and I was falling. I was a wreck. A couple of years prior to that there was a talk in general conference entitled “But if not” http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-439-25,00.html Shortly after my break up, I was asked to give a talk in church and that was my theme, the gist of the talk being that life doesn’t always work out, that prayers aren’t always answered, but God is still God.

I haven’t been angry, but questioning why isn’t this going like it is supposed to or why do prayers not get answered. Over and over again the thought replayed in my mind “But if not”, I guess the lesson is be careful of what you talk about in church, it may come back to haunt you. I got to where I didn’t want to pray because I didn’t want to have to learn the lesson of “but if not”. I didn’t want my prayers to not be answered in the way I wanted them to be answered, because I knew that whatever the answer I would be resigned to say that God was still God. Not sure this is making a whole lot of sense. So that brings us back to my sisters’ latest blog post. Just to relate the story so I can get to the point, King Nebuchadnezzar made a decree that all the people were to worship a golden image, the punishment for failure to comply was to be thrust into the fiery furnace. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego being true to their God, refused and were brought before Nebuchadnezzar who gave them one last opportunity to comply. Seeing the staunch resolution of these three men and their commitment to their God Nebuchadnezzar asked, “And who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?" I imagine without blinking an eye the three responded with confidence that God would save them. Then the crux of the story, the three continued “But if not, . . . we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up." These men knew that even if God did not deliver them from the furnace, he was still God. I’m not sure what these men thought as they were brought to the furnace as they watched the servants die from the heat of the fire, but I know what I would be thinking, “Really, so you’re going to test that whole ‘but if not thing’?”. God did not deliver them from the furnace, but he did deliver them from the fire. The prayers of these men were answered. I had forgotten that part. I had been so fearful that my prayers would not be answered or that the outcome would be negative as to test my faith in this principle that I failed to realized that God did answer their prayers. As I pondered on that, I was lead to theme 2 - the Lord didstrengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease.

Theme 2 - the Lord didstrengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease (see Mosiah 24)

So Alma the Younger after being converted and preaching and converting others all flee into the wilderness to escape wicked King Noah. Noah is burnt at the stake and his priests go running off into the wilderness. The priests kidnap the lamanites’ daughters and Alma and company get blamed. The priests use their powers of persuasion (better read as the daughters of the lamanites) to get into the good graces of the lamanites and Amulon the leader of the wicked priests is set as slave master over Alma and Company. Amulon then proceeds to make the people of Alma’s lives miserable, so much in fact that they cry out for delivery. Amulon in true wicked guy fashion makes it a capital crime to pray (I mean if this God doesn’t exist, then what’s the big deal if these people pray, its not like he’s going to hear them if he doesn’t exist…wicked bad guys aren’t always the brightest). So the people of Alma stopped praying with their voices, but continued to pray in their hearts. The scriptures say, “and he did know the thoughts of their hearts.” The good news – “And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.” Yay!!! Prayers answered we are going to be delivered!!! So in my mind I’m thinking, “Watch out Amulon, God’s going to get you!” But then the next verse, “And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.” Oh, so you mean that whole delivery thing isn’t going to happen immediately, sigh. And now the kicker, “And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.” So while the Lord did not immediately release them from bondage, he did make their burdens light. That is kinda what has happened with Star. He hasn’t chosen to deliver her just yet, but he is strengthening her to bear the burden placed upon her. She is cheerfully and patiently submitting to the will of the Lord, I on the other hand am not quite there yet, but I’m working on it.

Theme 3 – Be Still… (see Doctrine and Covenants 101:16)

So anyone who knows me to any degree knows that I am stubbornly independent and that I truly believe you can do anything you put your mind to. Well, I’m learning a new lesson - lesson where I have to throw my hands up in the air and say “I am not in charge”. I seriously struggle with that whole turning my will over to God. I’m just afraid to let go and lose control. Why? I don’t know, especially since God will do more with my life, seeing how I have done nothing but screw up. I have finally got to that point where I have given up, at this point it is an unwitting surrender. I’m beginning to feel that my efforts are pointless because no matter what I do, there is a bigger plan in play. But that is not what God wants us to do. It’s like I’m driving a car and I’ve let go of the wheel, you know that whole “Jesus take the wheel” thing. But God still wants us to drive the car, he doesn’t want to take over. That is the WHOLE point of this earth life to exercise our agency and God wants us to choose him. Deiter F. Ucktdorf said, “When our wagon gets stuck in the mud, God is much more likely to assist the man who gets out to push than the man who merely raises his voice in prayer – no matter how eloquent the oration.” And so what about this whole “be still” business then, how does that fit in the mix? God does not want us to drive around aimlessly, nor does he want us to shirk our responsibility and take our hands off the wheel, but he wants us to be still and know he is God. If any one has had the “privilege” of seeing a Melissa break-down, it is a disaster. I’m all over the place. So for me that be still means, stop the craziness, take deep breaths, and listen. I have found at those times when I do that and place my hands firmly on the wheel I know what to do, I may not know where I’m going, but that takes us to the whole “know I am God” part. In college I discovered a new favorite scripture. Background Lehi and his family leave Jerusalem. The Lord then commands that Nephi and company return to Jerusalem to get the brass plates, after two unsuccessful attempts, we get 1 Nephi 4:6 “And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.” And in true, “I will go and do” Nephi fashion we get the following verse, “Nevertheless I went forth”. So Nephi did not take his hands off the wheels, he finally was still and listened as the Lord told him what to do. I’m pretty sure if he knew where the Lord was taking him he might not have gone so willingly, he struggled with that whole having to kill Laban thing. Yet, the journey took him beyond that small obstacle and brought great blessings. I think that is sometimes why God doesn’t give it to us all at once 1. so we learn to be still and know he is God and 2. one stop in the journey is only part of it. Case in point, before having served a mission, if I would have known how hard it would be I would not have gone, but at the same time those hard times were more than compensated with true JOYS. Joys I would not have been able to comprehend had I not experienced them for myself and joys made that much greater because of the hard times. That being said it is probably better that God not show me where he’s taking me, because I may not want to go and then risk missing out on some truly great experiences.

In the midst of all this chaos that is my life, I have come to the realization that my life is really good. I have been abundantly and richly blessed with so many opportunities. I can look back and see how different experiences have brought me to this point and while right now in the midst of the fiery furnace I want to know how God delivers me, I am certain that I will be able to look back in a few years and see how this experience took me to where I need to be. I’m sure I’ve got some bumps in the road yet and I really don’t want to know what they are because whatever they may be I know that eventually what awaits me will make all of this jostling about so worth it.

Drop Dead Diva

2010-08-24T19:36:00.000-04:00

I am a big girl. While the issue of my maturity may be up for debate, my use of the word “big” refers to the fact that I can shop in the “plus size” department. My whole life I have thought I was fat and until recently, it has always bothered me. I was going through some pictures from high school and I was skinny! Not the supermodel skinny, but you could see bones, my cheeks had definition (the ones on my face at least), and there was no jelly belly. It was then I realized that I had let people make me think I was fat for so long when it was false and so I was no longer going to believe what others thought of me because they are obviously wrong.

I take SERIOUS issue with the way women and body images are portrayed in the media. Then along came Drop Dead Diva.

For those of you unfamiliar with the premise of the show a cute, skinny blond model/actress and frumpy, plus size attorney die at the same moment. Cute skinny blond model does not think its fair and she hits the return button and is sent back to the body of the frumpy, plus size attorney. So I was super happy because it is a show about a successful, plus sized attorney aka hopefully me someday. However, the more episodes, I watched, I started getting upset.

Sidebar - I may be reading too much into it, but that is what I do, overanalyze, kind of my trademark. Just watch TV with me, I can find some kind of soap box to stand on with any commercial, TV show, or movie – objectification of women (mainly), minimizing role of father/parent, glamorization of wrong doing, I could go on.

First issue, we have this frumpy, plus sized attorney, because if you are plus sized you cannot possibly be fun and cute. If ever you have shopped in the plus size department, you totally know what I mean. I may have “fluff”, but I still have curves and I am very proud of them and would like to accentuate them and not hide them under some kind of drab moo-moo type thing. I’m super disappointed when I find a cute selection of “regular” clothes and puke for plus size. Who is your buyer? And what is there philosophy only skinny girls like cute clothes or is it if we are fat we must somehow want to hide it by wearing an ugly moo-moo type thing that screams I’m fat and I’m trying to hide it. I mean really people. Granted there are some stores that have a decent plus size selection, but generally speaking the fashion world has a way to go yet when it comes to plus sized women.

Second issue, we have frumpy, plus sized attorney who is now possessed by cute, skinny blond model. The cute, skinny blond model of course re-vamps the wardrobe and makeup of drab, frumpy plus size attorney, and she becomes fun, cute, and fashion conscious. Fabulous, I love fun, cute, plus sized women who flaunt what God gave them and then some. However, the only way for this frumpy, plus sized attorney to be fun and cute was if in reality she really was a skinny girl in a fat girl’s body. The self-confidence did not come from the fact that frumpy plus size attorney came to grips with her issues about her body and said, “Screw it I’m fun and cute regardless of the number on the tag in my clothes or what the media tells me and others I should look like” but because she was possessed by the spirit of a skinny model.

So the elation I felt at a fat woman getting props on TV was replaced by the same message, albeit a different medium. The show says to me that you can only be fun and cute if you are skinny or possessed by a skinny person. I still watch the show and maybe I should start keeping a notebook tracking my issues or maybe I should stop watching it altogether, but I keep hoping that something positive about plus size comes out of it. And you thought TV watching was a passive activity. I’m telling you this brain, NEVER turns off.

Additionally, not only do they portray plus sized women in a bad light, the skinny ones don not get a break either. The cute, skinny blond models are portrayed as ditzy and not very smart. The only brains the cute, skinny blond has are because she retained the knowledge of the frumpy, plus sized attorney. But really people? I mean seriously. What does body size have to do with brain power? Maybe I will delve more into those issues in another post.

In summation, what Drop Dead Diva tells me is that if you are fat you are frumpy and if you are cute and skinny you are dumb.

Then of course, during the show there are commercials for weigh loss programs and the like. Although I DVR the show to watch later, I nearly always forget to fast forward through the commercials, you must forgive me, I am new to this whole recording TV thing. However, there is a Jenny Craig commercial that shows sad, frumpy fat girl who loses weight with Jenny Craig and is transformed into happy, cute girl in skinny jeans. This sends the wrong message. Happiness comes from inside, trust me I know. You can change your hair, your clothes, your size, but those superficial changes do not change what is on the inside. If you are not happy with who you are, then no matter what size you are you will never be content. If you have put on some weight and have lost your confidence, it begs the question of whether you really had it to begin with.

I am not by any means trying to lose weight, but just be healthier and a consequence to that is I have lost some weight. I am tired of people saying, are you losing weight, you look so good! So I didn’t look good before? Hence the reason I have stopped caring about what others think about me. I am stinking cute, fun, and smart and if you think otherwise, well I will tell you where you can go…

I loved being in Guatemala because I was “hermosa” or beautiful. The natives would grab my chunky arms, pat my round belly, and say look at this hermosura (beauty, loveliness). Why was I beautiful? Because I was plump or, using a new word, zaftig (meaning full bodied; well proportioned – it comes from a Yiddish word meaning juicy). Yeah, that is me, I am not fat, I am juicy.

I think we need to stop focusing so much on the outer part of beauty, because the reality of it is I know some very ugly pretty people (granted I know some very ugly, ugly people too). Beauty goes far beyond what is on the outside and it seems that a world that wants you just to be judged on the outside is because they do not have a lot on the inside. Regardless, who you are is not just what you see in the mirror and I would even go as far to say that what you see is also tainted by your perception of how others see you. For years, I thought I was fat and you can see for yourself, do you see the “fat” girl? The mirror is not a very good place to go looking if you want to know how you “look”.

Praying for Poop

2010-06-06T18:54:00.000-04:00

So by now many of you know my sister Starla has cancer. Just for background, I am the oldest of seven. In order: 1. Melissa, 2. Starla, 3. Joshua, 4. Luke, 5. Matthew, 6. Suzy, 7. Christy. Starla and I are 16 months or so apart. My youngest sister was born a week after my 16th birthday. I vividly remember changing diapers from Luke on down. Star and I didn't always get a long but we have gotten really close over the years and she is one of my closest friends. Treatment has been going well and she is expected to recover fully. But chemo has side affects and this is going to be TMI, but since she went public with it (http://strbrte.blogspot.com/2010/04/first-week.html) I will share. One of the side effects is constipation. In her blog she talked about literally praying for poop. It has been something I've been going over in my mind ever since then. I can only imagine the dramatic effect cancer has had on Star since she is the one experiencing it first hand, but one can't help be affected by something like this when it hits close to home. Being the oldest I have a special love for my siblings. I feel like a protector of sorts, I feel their pain even when they don't know it. It is a huge responsibility, I can't explain it but when something goes wrong I look inward, what did I do wrong, how could I have helped. Whenever my siblings suffer I want to take their pain. I have prayed to take their pain, that prayer is always answered by it is something they need to go through. I would do anything to keep my siblings from suffering. So Star going through this has been doubly hard because I'm 3000 miles away, literally, and there isn't anything I can do. It's crazy how after something like this your perspective changes. Before this who would have seen poop as a blessing or answer to prayer? This post is kinda disjointed but just bear with me, not that it is going to get any less disjointed or any more purposeful it is really just a stream of consciousness as evidenced by this sentence. In ways it has made me more sympathetic and in other ways less. I am more sympathetic to those who have experienced real tragedy and less sympathetic to people who act like spilled milk is the end of the world. To some people I just want to yell, well my sister has cancer, so I have no sympathy for you. This whole thing has been a lot harder on me than I want to admit and I'm not going to talk about that. But so often in my life when dealing with tragedy, heartache, disappointment, failure, trials, tribulation, and the like I have never prayed for poop. So often when the "poo" hits the fan I'm covered in it, unable to see either the past or the future and I just wallow in the stinky present. Life is almost never what we expect it to be. So we can either wallow in the poop or pray for it. We can either take what life gives us look for meaning and move forward or we can just sit staring at a pile of poop and wonder when it's going to go away. For anyone who has owned dogs, you know poop just doesn't disappear instantaneously. If you want it to go away you have to shovel it. You have to get up and decide that you aren't going to stare at poop. Over the years Starla has taught me so much about faith. Star has a stubborn streak. I remember I was on my mission when President Hinckley made the announcement about piercings and tattoos. Star and I both had multiple piercings, but as a missionary giving up the extra sets of earrings was no big deal because I had already done that. But I must admit I wondered how Star would take it. When I talked to my mom she related that after hearing that Star went quietly into her room and removed her extra piercings. I knew then that she would decide to serve a mission and she did. She has since married in the temple and has taken on the role of the big sister in my prolonged absence from my family. She is the glue that holds us all together. Prior to the start of her chemo she had to go have a post inserted into her vein for the administration of the treatments. I called my mom afterwards to see how it went. In typical big sister fashion I was worried and wanted to show my support and offer words of comfort, but true to form it was Star that comforted me. Here she was facing cancer and a world of unknowns and she was worried about me. Over the last few weeks I have found it difficult (although not impossible) to complain. I just think to myself, if Star can face cancer with such optimism, then come what may I can deal with it. I just want my lil sis to know how much I love and admire her and I'm glad she's my sister.

Tigergate and the Nature of Man

2010-02-07T14:41:00.003-05:00

I used to be a big listener to AM Talk Radio. But at some point I just got turned off and started listening to NPR. Both things have their good and bad. NPR has Click & Clack and the Prairie Home Companion, but it also has Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and operas in languages I can't understand. Generally at night NPR doesn't have anything I care to listen to and so I'll generally switch back to AM Talk Radio. Generally at night on my commute home I listen to Herman Cain , a conservative Black man. One night he had a substitute. It was during the time when the Tigergate story was breaking and he had checked himself in to a sex addict clinic. I hate when AM Talk Radio picks up on stupid celebrity stuff. If I wanted to hear that crap I'd watch TMZ or listen to pop radio. ANYWAY. The gist of the conversation was that Tiger wasn't a sex addict, he was a man; Tiger was only doing what every married man wished he could do; and all men are basically ruled by the base, animalistic instinct to "nail" as many women as possible. This was followed by phone calls from men relating their sexual escapades (the majority of which I am sure were lies)"I slept with 50 women . I'm not addicted to sex." I was APPALLED.

I decline to buy into the whole "men are controlled by and must obey his penis" movement. I believe there is so much more to men than that. The onslaught of radical feminism has reduced men to being drive by their baser instincts and the objectification of women.

I am not an expert and I lack the expertise to determine whether Tiger is a sex addict. However, I do have the following observation, if Tiger wasn't a sex addict then why would he continue to engage in behavior that is so damaging to not only his marriage, but his career?

What shocked me most about the comment that Tiger was doing what "all married men wished they could do" is that it came from this talk host who I had heard on prior occasions profess that he is a Christian. How can a man who professes to be a follower of Christ hold to and confess beliefs that are contrary to the teachings of God? Has he not read the Bible where it says that a man who looketh on a woman with lust has already committed adultery in his heart? I would hate to think that the man I was married to was only faithful because we were married and not because of his love for and commitment to me.

I finally had to turn the radio off. I was so furious I was shaking. This view on mankind does not farewell for women. If men are ruled by sex then women are nothing more than objects.

While I understand the importance of sex within a marriage I decline to believe that it is what rules a man. I do not believe God gave to man a desire to be with more than one woman. It was Adam and Eve, not Evessss. I began to think about things that run contrary to this. Polygamy. Here was an instance in which God mandated that a man have more than one wife. You did not see men running to sign up for it. It was a calling and a difficult one even for the men to accept. I had a zone leader on my mission. I don't know what prompted the conversation, but he said something to the effect that he hoped that the Lord did not re-institute polygamy because he could not imagine loving more than one woman.

(these are Darrell's parents Mike and Beverly)

Shortly after this experience I was hanging out with Darrell, Darrell's dad, and a couple of our friends. Somehow the conversation turned to this topic (I didn't bring it up). I was so impressed by what Darrell's dad had to say. I thought it was such a great tribute to the kind of man he is and to his wife as well. He said he was at work and the men were talking about how Tiger was a lucky man and how they wished they could "run around". Darrell's dad made a comment along the lines of "I have only kissed one woman and that was the woman I married. I have only been with her and I have no desire to be with anyone but her." He was heckled. But I was so impressed.

I have to admit there have been times in my life where I have doubted the divinity in men. However, I am so glad to be surrounded by men who honor their manhood and don't buy into the lie that they are controlled by a baser instinct.

Quandries and Other Non-Important Things

2010-02-07T14:23:00.002-05:00

Quandries:

It seems that whenever I don't have time to watch TV there are like a gajillion things I want to watch. However, when I have time to watch TV it seems like there is nothing on TV. Why?

Likewise, whenever I don't have time to blog I can think of at least five different things I want to write about. By time I sit down to actually blog either I have lost my passion about what it was I wanted to write about or I can't think of a single thing to blog about, hence today's blog.

Why is it that the things that bug us most about others are the same traits, characteristics, or habits that we have? Why can we so readily recognize it in someone else and not in ourselves?

Whatever possesed Dove (the maker of my favorite chocolate) to forgo their normal promises and instead have Valentine's Day ideas from Martha Stewart? I mean come on, really? What is rosewater anyway and why would I want to add it to my Valentine's Day dessert? I mean really, since when is a "floral" flavor in anything a good thing?

Why is Georgia sold out of electric blankets? I mean it has been really cold, but some stores have been sold out since Christmas. Who's buying them all and why aren't stores stocking up on them?

Other Non-Important Things

**Warning this story may only be funny if you were there**

Recently Darrell and I were at Barnes and Noble. We overheard the following conversation between an employee of Barnes and Noble and a customer:

Employee: Can I help you?

Customer: I'm looking for a book.

Darrell and I must have been in a really silly mood because we both burst out laughing simultaneously. Really, your looking for a book in a bookstore, well you've definitly come to the right place!

Dear Admin

2010-01-10T20:03:00.002-05:00

I received a comment from you about my last blog entry and I thought long and hard about what to say in reply. Obviously you don't know me or the comment would not have been necessary. Just in case you forgot what you wrote, I have included it here:

admin said...
I guess you either didn't notice or just glossed over this sentence:

"The best thing to do is to kill all the feminists and hippies and liberals."

My first reaction was to write mean and nasty things, but I held my tongue and this is what I would like to tell you. I did notice and did not gloss over the sentence. I purposefully included it. It is strong language, although I have no authority nor the permission nor consent of the author to speak on their behalf I'm pretty sure they did not mean that statement to be taken literally and I certainly didn't. I'm not going to tip toe around it or remove it, but rather explain to you why I decided to keep it. I think murder is wrong and I think it is super silly that I even have to explain this, but such is the state of affairs in this world. I am not advocating killing anyone, but rather I fully and completely support the stamping out of these doctrines. However, as a full believer in and advocate of the Constitution and especially the right to free speech. I will not and do not seek to quiet those voices that speak contrary to those things created to bring peace and happiness to mankind (meaning both males and females). Rather I hope to speak more loudly and more convincingly of those things I know to be true. Feminists, hippies, and liberals have done much to damage this country that I love. In some cases, I feel it was a blatant affront on the values that make this country great in which case no amount of shouting will drown out that voice, only the voice of reason convincing others of the misguided ways of the feminists, hippies, and liberals will be able to silence those voices. Oh they will still speak, but with no one to listen, it will be as if they were silent. I think many of the people that buy into the feminist, hippie, liberal movements are good people. The supposed beliefs advocated by feminists, hippies, and liberals are all warm and fuzzy, but underneath when you listen to what is really being said and the implications they are anything but.

I fully believe in women's rights, I truly believe in the power of our divine feminist qualities given to us by a kind and loving Heavenly Father, but unfortunately that is not what the feminist movement advocates. Instead of focusing on what separates us from men, the feminist movement seeks to eliminate those qualities which are the essence of our womeness. The feminist movement has basically told women that they are inferior. Their "feminine" qualities are only good for making them into sex objects and if they hope to compete in the employment world they have to shed anything that would be disadvantageous as they compete with men. In essence they say as a woman you are not good enough, if you want to be successful you must look, act and think like a man. WRONG! God made us different for a reason. Is the way a woman completes a task different from the way a man would? In many cases, it is very different. But is it wrong? NO!!! Can you imagine what this world would be like if every woman stepped up to the plate and was what God would have them be, meaning that they would be women? What I think makes us so great as women is that we are not men. I love men and don't mean to berate them in any fashion (I'll have more to say about that later), but what makes me great are my inherent qualities of love, nurture, and intuition. I believe in the education of women. I believe women can make important contributions to the job force, to academia, to the world in general. However, I don't think those contributions should be at the expense of what makes us a unique gender. I believe a woman who prepares herself well for her chosen line of work has made a great contribution to the world. I also don't see anything wrong with a woman who forgoes a career to stay at home and raise her family. It can be said she has chosen the better part. However, not all women will marry and not all woman will have children. Therefor, it is vital that she prepare herself well so come what may she can make an important contribution. A woman who prepares herself to be a CEO will certainly be fit to run a household. Think of the decisions that must be made when running a business then think about the home. Budgets, schedules, personnel issues, space and time constraints the list could go on. I don't think that those virtuous qualities of womanhood should be extinguished because someone tells me that if I want to be successful I have to be a man. Another adverse affect of the feminist movement was that it extinguished masculinity as well. We don't need men because we can be men. We have told men not to value us for who we are but what we are (objectification). We have pushed them out of their divine roles. We have robbed them of the opportunity to be men, to be fathers rather opting for sperm donors and then like. Women need to start being women and men need to start being men.

Hippies. Sure love, sex, and rock n' roll might sound good, but is it? I believe we should love our fellowman, but that does not mean that in order to do so we have to accept behavior that wrong. I have always thought it was ironic that hippies bucked conformity by becoming conformist. There is no such thing as free sex. It comes with consequences whether recognized or not. The sexual revolution led to the objectification of women. There is nothing wrong with hard work and you don't need psychedelic drugs to get closer to God.

Liberals. I have many liberal friends and acquaintances. Deep down many of them see themselves as more human than us conservatives after all they are advocating for the little man. But are they really? In essence what the liberals crave is power, I'm not saying they are the only ones we all want a little power and power isn't bad but the means to the end is wherein the danger lies. The liberals create power by making you powerless. The liberals say "You are incompetent and incapable of caring for yourself and so we must do it for you". They then go about creating programs to perpetuate dependency. The welfare system, in general, has been by far the biggest failure. I worked for the welfare department. I know what it is like. I know that there are people who really need help. Unfortunately they are usually the ones who don't get it. How many times did I get phone calls from people telling me it was my fault that their children didn't have food to eat. Well it was certainly not my fault you were incapable of turning in your required paperwork by the deadline after numerous extensions were given and I had to deny your app because I had to take action on your file. Or it wasn't my fault if I told you I would stay late to process your application if you would bring me your paperwork that day and somehow you couldn't make it but the next morning you came in reeking of weed. So you had money to buy drugs but not food? Or how about the person who finally gets a job but says they are going to have to quit because they are making too much money to qualify for food stamps and they don't know how they are going to buy groceries without them, even if they make more money working then they do on welfare. The way I see it deep down liberals must really be selfish. Why do I say that, many times those qualities we most dislike are the very qualities we ourselves posses. The way I see it liberals believe the only way we will be charitable is if we are forced to do (taxes) so or provided incentives to do so (tax breaks). Truth be told I am very charitable as are many people in this world. I have no problems with sharing my worldly wealth, I just don't like to be forced into doing it especially when I am forced to support programs and agendas I don't believe in and I know won't work.

We need women to be women, we need to get men back in the home. The answer isn't hand outs but a hand up. Instead of telling people they can't show them how. Raise the standards and expectations the the people will rise with them.

So, no Admin I don't advocate the killing of feminist, hippies, and liberals but I do advocate the annihilation of their ideals which threaten peace and happiness. I am sorry I even had to justify the inclusion of that comment, but I do not regret it nor my reasons for so doing.

Yours Truly,

Melissa

If You're Happy AND You Know It....

2009-11-30T18:30:00.002-05:00

So its finals time! It's that wonderful time of year when hopes and aspirations die and accountability stares you straight in the face, mocking your every effort. And here I am blogging. I have a page full of things I want to blog about, but I can never seem to get to it. Until that is I have something much more important and pressing that I should be doing. It also seems to be around this time that I have these crazy self-reflecting moments and I burst into tears. Why do I have to cry in the library?! Oh well....so I was about to dive into a huge pool of "Wo, Wo is ME!" when I started to accentuate the positive and sing "If you're happy and you know it...write a blog!" So I did a quick search for a picture for my blog and found the above picture at http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200812/how-be-happy. Did you notice the end of the address where it says "How to be Happy". So I had to read it, of course. This is what the author had to say...

Women cannot become happy by pretending to be men, and men cannot become happy by pretending to be women. Swedes have already tried that, and they have failed massively and spectacularly.

What can evolutionary psychology tell us about what we as a society can do so as not to repeat the Swedish mistake and make our citizens happy? The best thing to do is to kill all the feminists and hippies and liberals. Destroy political correctness completely once and for all. Teach boys and girls that they are different, not the same, and that it’s okay (nay, wonderful) to be different. One is not right and the other is not wrong. Stop telling girls that they are inferior versions of boys, as feminists have done for the last half century, or, as has more recently been the case, stop telling boys that they are inferior versions of girls.

This is what I've been thinking all along. In fact it was on my list of things to blog about. It made me happy to have science support my belief. It's also okay that I don't find law school and work achievements nearly as fulfilling as housecleaning and cooking a good meal. It's just part of my God given nature. Law school and work will never end. But if the house is clean, even for just five minutes I feel accomplished.

Don't get me wrong. I love school. I love learning. I love to work and find it fulfilling, even if I hate my job. I still struggle with how to balance my somewhat competing natures. If ever I do get to motherhood, I can't imagine myself not working. I still struggle with the thought of having to give it all up, I mean I've been in school for a really looooooong time and want something to show for my efforts. But I guess I don't have to make that decision, yet.

This is not at all what I had planned to blog about, but here it is. Another dose of randomness from yours truly. Mwah!

I love Darrell

2009-07-29T23:24:00.004-04:00

I definitely don't give Darrell all the credit he deserves. He really is such a good man and is so supportive and understanding. As much as we drive each other crazy sometimes, we do have so much fun together.

Darrell loves anything remote controlled. The guy could open up his own hobby shop with all the RC stuff he has. But his true love is RC airplanes. He is super talented. I tried to find some links so you could see him fly, it really is amazing, but I couldn't find any. I love watching him fly. Most of the guys who fly are pretty arrogant, but Darrell can out fly them all and is so humble about it.

The last time I went with him to the air field it was a fun fly to earn money for the club. There were a bunch of different events. The large majority of people there were middle aged men. But there was this one kid, the only kid that was competing against men old enough to be his father and some old enough to be his grandfather. He was probably about ten. He reminded me a lot of my brother Luke when he was that age, he even had the bent up glasses. Darrell remembered this kid from the fun fly the year before and talked to him about what he was flying and how this kid had won one of the contests the year before. Anyway, Darrell had to go to the bathroom and so I found a spot to watch the next event. The boy was running to get his spot so he could compete. He was checking out his airplane before he flew. Something wasn't right. He kinda lifted his head looking around for someone to help him out, but no one was paying him any attention. He finally started dragging his plane away from the runway. The excitement he had displayed about flying was starting to disappear. Then I saw Darrell coming out of the bathroom. I quickly went to him and explained to him what was going on. I didn't suggest or hint he should help him out, I just explained what happened. Without another word he went up to the kid and asked him what was going on. The kid explained to him what had happened and they went to work fixing the airplane. The dejected look began to disappear and the kids eyes began to light up. As we talked we found out the kid had worked odd jobs to earn someone's old plane. Then he worked other jobs to save up money for parts and basically built the plane himself. You could tell the kid didn't come from a family with a lot of money. He reminded me a bit of myself. We were kinda poor growing up. I didn't really care, but it's not always easy when no one pays attention to you. I had one pair of jeans in middle school. I would wash them every night. My parents thought I was crazy, but I didn't ever want anyone to accuse me of wearing the same pants twice in a row. I really felt for this kid. There were so many other people that saw what was going on and not a single person stopped to help, they were too busy with their stuff to take the time to help someone who really needed it. I know had Darrell been there and saw he would have helped without anyone having to ask and as soon as he knew what was going on he started helping. It meant so much to me to see that. So many times I have felt like that kid, feeling a little lost too afraid to ask for help, and you just need someone to give you a hand. You could tell it meant a lot to that kid that someone took time on him.

I'm not doing the story justice, but Darrell just has this way. He sees a need and he takes care of it. He can tell when I've had a bad day or when something is bugging me and I don't have to say one word. He really is a great man.

Carpe Opportunitas

2009-07-22T21:25:00.002-04:00

While driving to work I was listening to the news and another Georgia county had to make cuts to meet budget shortfalls. Of course the first thing they cut are police and fire. That was followed by the governor saying there are going to be more state wide cuts including education this time. I know there are better ways to make cuts. Then the thought came to me. What a marvelous opportunity! Here on the local level we have an opportunity to show we don't need big government. We (myself included) have been so complicit in letting government handle things we should be handling. What is the solution? Volunteers!!! Neighborhood watches should be springing up. Who better to protect a neighborhood from crime than the neighborhood. They know better what goes on than the cops do. If we were to just do a little more, we could decrease the amount of money we spend while at the same time providing better service. I don't have any facts to back this up, but I'm sure someone does. What about cuts in education? Volunteers!!!! Parents can volunteer in their children's classroom. This solves a multitude of problems. It gets parents involved in the educational process which I do know increases academic success for children. The parents get a check on what their children are being taught. Keeps teachers, hopefully, from teaching radical doctrine or at least the parents a chance to combat it with teaching in the home. Additionally, this is also an opportunity for retired educational professionals to donate their time and wisdom. What about using retired teachers to meet budget shortfalls or retired fire and police as well? They're getting paid out of the system already, I'm sure it would be much cheaper to pay them their full salary than hire a new person. Or they could just work part-time and not draw a salary? They are also making cuts in parks and recreation. How about neighborhoods getting together to perform the maintenance?

Where should cuts be made? WELFARE. I still believe welfare is the biggest waste of resources. The plan can be made to work, but it requires a completely new program. That will probably never happen. But here are some suggestions. Cut the number of workers. This will inevitably increase caseloads of currently burdened workers and slow down processing times. I worked in an intake unit for the welfare department. The clients I interviewed were either first time applicants, people moving from out of state, people who voluntarily discontinued benefits and are coming back to re-apply, people who's benefits were denied/discontinued for non-compliance with program requirements which are minimal. The overwhelming majority of the clients I interviewed were in the last category. If we could decrease the numbers in the last category, it would relieve the burden on those in the first categories. Priority should be given to the first categories. Clients (as we called them) should be notified that if they failed to comply they will have to wait for a new interview. Also states can say no to Federal government funding. They can create their own rules in accordance with what the state wants. Federal funding is how the Feds get states to do things they have no business telling states to do. Welfare is a purely state thing so the only way the states to do what the Fed wants is to provide incentives such as funding. So, if states don't want to do what the Fed wants (in this instance) they just forgo Federal aid.

Anyway, this blog has gone on long enough. But just like the Obamanation says we shouldn't let a good crisis go to waste, instead of using it as an excuse to grow government, we should use it as an opportunity to shrink it!

That's my two cents.

Fried Green Tomatoes and Brotherly Love

2009-07-17T22:03:00.002-04:00

Image Courtesy of: http://coconutlime.blogspot.com/2007_07_01_archive.html

It's so funny how when I'm in law school all day I think of all these things I want to blog about. Now that I'm out of school I thought, "Self, let's get to blogging". Sadly, now that I can blog I can't think of anything to blog. There are so many things I love about the South.

Darrell's parents have a garden and they are very generous. I don't know how to cook some of the things they give me. I had some green tomatoes and so I fried them up, turned out pretty good.

Another thing I love about the South is I'm surrounded by good Christian people. I'm used to (well when I'm outside of Utah) being the only religious person at work or in other places outside of school. Maybe it's just because out West we're not as open with our beliefs. Not so here in the South. It is a badge of honor worn proudly.

There is a guy at work that I don't get along with. He just irked me. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I couldn't stand the guy. He wasn't very fond of me either. Long story short he was laid off this week. I feel for him. It's a tough economy and I wouldn't want to be in his shoes. But that aside, I wasn't sad to see him go. Although it does mean more work for me and it's getting to be a pretty hefty load. The remaining project managers have more to do which means they give me more to do. But back to the point of this whole blog. One of the girls in accounting came to talk to me about the recent lay off. Her concern was "Did I say everything to him that I needed to say". She said she would probably never see him again and was worried about whether or not she was an instrument in God's hands to deliver his message. She said she would often ask him "You know what you need?" Her reply to him was always "Jesus".

I was glad I wouldn't have to hold my breath so I wouldn't smell the alchohol on his breath when he spoke or watch when he spit tobacco juice in a Styrofoam cup or listen to his crude language. She was worried if she did enough. Did she do all she could to help him? That never crossed my mind.

The good thing about living in the South, it helps me be a better Christian.

Bathrooms

2009-07-03T10:50:00.007-04:00

image found at http://www.briancurranconstruction.com/bath1.jpg via google

Being in a family of seven children, two parents, and one Nana, no one, but Nana had their own room. Mom and Dad choose to share a room, so they can't complain. But all the girls shared a room and all the boys shared a room.

There was a short period when I lived in the closet, all by myself. Dad had built these huge shelves in our walk-in closet, big enough for a sleeping bag, pillow, and moody pre-teen. That lasted until my parents said I kept kicking the wall. Then I had to join the general population.

Not only were there a lot of people who lived there, we had friends over and at any giving time a small zoo of pets consisting mainly of schnauzers and cockatails. All this chaos and only two bathrooms, one of which was in Nana's house and only for emergencies.

Why do I mention bathrooms? The bathroom is the only place where only one person can be at a time, generally. You want some peace and quiet you go to the bathroom. And it lasted pretty much as long as you could make it.

Not big fans of just sitting and just doing one or two things, we are a family of bathroom readers. The house that I grew up in had a drawer full of magazines and books, or you could bring your own material. Sometimes I would go in the bathroom and just sit on the toilet with the lid down, like a chair, while reading.

The peace and quiet was sometimes interrupted by a sibling saying they had to go to the bathroom. Those pleas were generally ignored until Dad got involved and knocked on the door rather loudly while saying "Checkers". Never quite understood that, but when Dad said checkers your "quiet time" was up. The knocking and checkers would not cease until someone emerged and a new person entered. Sometimes a sibling would try to do the knocking checkers, but it was only effective if dad did it.

To this day the bathroom is a sanctuary, a place I go to be alone and get away from it all. Since I live by myself, my bathroom time can go for as long as I want. Unless that is I'm in someone else's restroom or a (excuse my language) public restroom. I hate public restrooms with a passion.

image courtesy of http://www.poopreport.com/Images/BMnewswire/26_stalls.jpg (oh yeah poopreport.com I totally had to visit it. Its everything and more all about number 2...)

There is no privacy. It makes the whole process like an assembly line. You can see through the cracks, you can hear and sometimes smell what's going on next door. There is hardly ever any reading material.

If you have to build bathrooms with partitions make sure there are no cracks and they go all the way to the floor. Although the space at the bottom is helpful if ever you forget to check for toilet paper and there isn't any and you can, as long as the next stall is unoccupied, reach under and borrow some from your neighbor.

Although I discovered the coolest thing ever about the handicap stall in the bathrooms on the first floor of the building where I work. Someone hung magazines on the grab bar. It was fantastic. There are other bathroom readers out there. We are not alone! Darrell's parents have books galore in their bathroom too.

Anyway...back to the public restroom phobia. If ever I build my own office, I'm going to have my own personal bathroom in my office that no one else can use.

Generally I avoid using public or strange bathrooms (strange as in not mine). Sometimes, it just can't be avoided. I generally try to wait to use the public restroom at work when no one else is there and generally unless I'm about to have an accident, if someone else is in there I go back to my desk and wait. There are two reasons. Even if there are enough stalls so you could be a stall over with a stall in between, why do you have to pick the stall next to me? Then the talking...ever had a conversation with a person in the stall next to you? Don't you know bathroom time is quite PRIVATE time??!?!? I know you're there, but I'm pretending you're not and it makes it a whole lot harder when you keep talking to me.

At work the handicap stall is almost like its own room. I try not to go there, because I loose track of time and I'm afraid of someone thinking I've gone AWOL just to see me emerge (one of my new favorite words by the way) from the bathroom. That would be embarrassing.

I love bathrooms, but I hate cleaning them. Especially bathrooms made by people who think bathrooms aren't important and cram everything into the smallest place possible which makes it a pain to clean...

Bathrooms are one of the things I am grateful for.

Since I need to study for finals, I thought I would share with you my thoughts on bathrooms instead of study...

The End!

http://cache1.asset-cache.net/xc/LS016172.jpg?v=1&c=NewsMaker&k=2&d=931DC11149350F100F9D37F6835B35F0E30A760B0D811297

LOL

2009-06-15T15:23:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you just have to say something out loud so you can hear how ridiculous it sounds…I read through my last post again and did some laughing and head shaking…then the following came to mind….I don’t have time to look it up, but the words came to me in Spanish….the Hymn “Count Your Many Blessings”….next post I think I will enumerate some of my numerous and bounteous blessings….thanks for putting up with me….

Drum Roll Please....

2009-06-13T18:44:00.002-04:00

for some reason i feel to forgo some of the conventions of writing. this is just going to be a stream of randomness. i am just going to type whatever is in my mind. i think i have officially reached burn out. i am tired. i cannot focus. i have no desire to do anything. i just want to sit and stare at the wall. i could lay in bed and never get out and just be fine with that. it doesnt help that the sun is not shining. i cry a lot and for no reason. my mood changes second to second. i just want to run and not stop. i was doing fine, that was until i got the grades for my first year of law school. any thought that i would be somewhat successful was dashed after the first semester. i dont like the way law school works. they beat you down. there has to be a better way to sift through the crop. or maybe its just a reality check. i'm tired of being average and mediocre. oh well. my grades werent really that bad. but not that great. the hard thing is that i guess ive never really had to study. i have a pretty good memory. i read it and go to class and after a simple review i can recall it. unfortuneately law school isnt like that. you have to know it and then apply it in the way the professor thinks it should be applied. not only do you have to learn the law, but what your professor feels the law is and respond accordingly. but anyway here they are:

reading, writing, and advocacy - 79

legal bibliography - pass

contracts I and II - 77

property I and II - 76

criminal law - 79

the sad thing is you would think that i would be motivated to be better, but it has just the opposite affect. after all the work this is what i get why try? sorry this is so depressing and what not. i promise to post something more upbeat...

I want what I want!

2009-05-06T12:18:00.002-04:00

So as on many occasions I find myself desiring something that apparently no one makes. In my mind, I can't possibly be the only person in the entire world that wants it and I'm pretty sure I've seen it before. Speaking of scriptures, I have only owned one quad in my entire life. I wanted it because everyone else wanted it. But as I became more versed in my scripture study, I began to loathe the convinience of the quad. I hated having to hold my place in the Book of Mormon to look something up in the Bible. Since then I have always kept the Triple and Bible separate. Yet, then the "compact" quad came out. Small convient size, I wanted it, but they didn't have the Triple and the Bible separate. So I just dealt. Then I saw the compact Triple and Bible, so I knew they existed but I could never find them. Then one day while at the Atlanta Temple I found them at the Distribution Center. They had the thumb index (which I don't like, but that's a whole different conversation) and even though pricy (like $80 for the set) I got them. Now I want individual zipping covers for them. I'm pretty sure I've seen them. EVERYONE make cases, but I don't wanna case, I want a cover and I want it to zip all the way around. I want a cover for my triple and a separate cover for my bible. I keep them in my backpack or in my purse and right now I'm using rubber bands to kept them from getting torn up, but the pages are getting dog-earred. So if anyone knows what I want and where I can find them....let me know!

Crap!

2009-04-22T21:32:00.002-04:00

Image courtesy of http://www.bbc.co.uk/scotland/islandblogging//blogs/005630/images/bird_poop.jpg

Completely random, but it made me laugh...

So it's finals time! whoopee....(insert extreme lack of enthusiasm here).

All semester it's been pretty miserable weather so I didn't mind so much that I was stuck inside. But now that finals are here the sun has decided to come out and since it's been away for so long it makes it really hard to stay inside because who knows how long the niceness will last. Long story short I decided to study outside. I found the perfect spot that got just the right amount of sun. It was under a tree, but no shade because no leaves. So I'm studying my heart out when I hear a very subtle plop...followed by a rather disturbing splat. I tear my eyes from my study outline and to my dismay a rather bright red bird (another thing I discovered about Georgia not all wild birds are brown some are even blue!) had pooped on my purse. My purse happened to be so positioned and the bird's aim so precise that one single poop got both the inside and the outside of my purse. Never ever having been pooped on by a bird, I was ill prepared for cleaning up bird poop. The best I could do was make a makeshift paper towel out of a blank sheet of notebook paper. Now here comes the punchline...are you ready??!! I'm gingerly wiping the bird poop trying to ensure what is on the outside doesn't go inside and what is inside doesn't go further inside, but inevitably a small piece of poop managed to get away and rolled further inside my bag. In frustration I uttered, "You piece of crap!" and then I immediately began laughing. Why? Because it was literally a piece of crap! HahahahHahahaAhahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Congratulations Miss California

2009-04-21T12:39:00.005-04:00

Although I have serious issues with beauty pageants (maybe I will post those later), I must congratulate Miss California (Carrie Prejean) for standing up for her beliefs.

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I'll fill you in. I was listening to talk radio on my way to school and they were talking about Miss California. She was the favorite many thought she had the crown "in the bag", that was until her "controversial" answer to a question about gay marriage. Very respectfully, while recognizing the rights of others to feel differently, she stated her "opposite" view. She believes that marriage should be between a man and woman. Unfortunately, poor Miss California has been lambasted for her remarks.

The main stream media wants us to think that Miss California holds a minority view and is out of touch with the American people. However, lest we forget that in the majority of the states where same sex marriage was on the ballots, it was in most instances OVERWHELMINGLY voted down. Same sex marriage has not been successful when put to a popular vote and the only progress has been made through the court systems by judges who are overstepping their judicial bounds.

Another important idea that the main stream media wants to ignore is that ALL Americans have the right to Freedom of Speech, not just the ones who share their same view point. I may not like Perez Hilton's reaction to Miss California's answer, but I do respect his right to his opinion. I feel however, it was an unfair response. Miss California was very respectful, did not name call, or single anyone out. Mr. Hilton's attack was abrasive, personal, and hateful. He made no attempt to dissuade her with evidence or facts, but instead displayed his own stupidity and ignorance.

If we have to have a Miss America, I want one like Carrie Prejean who puts political correctness aside and stands firm by her beliefs. Thank you Miss California, for sticking to your beliefs.

Heartbreak

2009-02-08T19:32:00.003-05:00

My heart goes out to my little brother Josh. I can only imagine the pain he is suffering. While I have felt the pain of breakups, I have never felt the pain of having my entire family ripped away. Just a little background, I hope my mom isn't upset by this post, but if she is I will remove it. I just felt the need to respond. My little brother is getting divorced. His ex-wife had one child from a previous marriage and they had a child together. However, through the divorce proceedings, it was discovered that my brother was not the father. Yet, Josh as well as each one of us love both of those children with all of our hearts and will continue to do so. However, we have to do what is best for our family. This means severing all ties with these two innocent kids. I am not upset that my brother is getting divorced, nor am I upset that he has chosen to remove his ex from his life even if it means no contact with the kids. I feel it is a blessing in disguise. That woman, nearly ruined his life and any shot Josh would have had to a normal life would have been destroyed had they stayed together or if she would have remained a part of his life. Unfortunately, these children will pay for the mistakes of their mother. Josh is the only father either of them have ever known and unless she can see the error of her ways and marry a good man, Josh will be the only father they will ever know. Today I went through and started removing pictures. I couldn't delete them because it just didn't seem right. But I couldn't help but cry and think of how difficult this all must be for Josh. I am grateful my brother made the right decision and chose to no longer let his ex control or manipulate him by using her own children by choosing to have no contact with her. I hope and pray that some how these two innocent children can find peace in all this chaos. Having studied marriage and family no one can say this is what is best for the children. Josh, I'm sure long before any of us, knew the child wasn't his, yet Josh determined to do the right thing for his family and these two children, stayed with his cheating wife. At great expense and personal sacrifice Josh fought for what was best for the children. Josh is the best thing that ever happened to his ex and her children and she walked away. A decision for which I am grateful. Josh deserves so much more. Josh deserves to have someone who loves him back, who fights just as hard as he does. My heart breaks for those two children. My heart breaks because their mother who complains about her childhood and blames that on all her problems today has chosen to give her children more of the same. I hope they can learn and when the time comes that they will chose to give their children something better. I hope they can look back with happiness at the time they spent with us. I hope in those moments of sadness and loneliness when they ache for a father, when they ache for some shred of normalcy that the heavens will open and their hearts will be filled with the love of our Father in Heaven and that they will feel of Josh's love and our love. That somehow they will not have to suffer the affects of the mistakes of their mother. That somehow they will be shielded and protected from the danger they will face. I hope they will remember the lessons my parents tried to teach them and the lessons they got in church. I hope that the atonement will be the antidote from the poison of their mother's teaching. I just want Josh to know how proud I am of him. I am so proud of the man he has become. I know these last four years have been a personal hell. Yet, Josh never complained, never tried to run, never tried to hide from or shirk his duties. He fought diligently with everything he had. I hope he can find the woman he deserves. I hope Josh can know of and realize his great worth. I love you Josh.

Tender Mercies!

2009-01-29T13:18:00.001-05:00

Just a little background information. For the last two weeks I have had this ache in my shoulder, like someone is stabbing me under my shoulder blade. Thursday of last week it was so bad that by time I got to work I could barely move my arm because of the pain. Motion doesn’t really affect it and I have no idea why it hurts. I called the doctor and met with the physician’s assistant. The $40 co-pay was money wasted. She gave me some prescription ibuprofen and a muscle relaxer, oh yeah and a shot of something in my butt. The shot was good enough to get me back to work. I took the muscle relaxers on two separate occasions the only affect they seemed to have were to knock me out and make me super groggy for like two hours after waking up. It also seemed that my shoulder hurt much worse than normal on the days I took it. The ibuprofen helps momentarily. I can only take one every eight hours and if it has any effect it wears off long before it’s time to take another. Fortunately the pain hasn’t returned like it did the day I went to the doctor. But basically what it means is that I have this dull ache that is just painful enough that I can’t ignore it and no idea why….although it’s probably related to my 50 lb book bag that I haul around. I’ve since lightened it up a bit. Last night at school I stayed afterwards to study. I’ve been doing well with catching up and seeing as though I don’t have class tonight, even though I am going to campus to study I feel a lot better about feeling caught up and on top of things, a huge stress relief. So last night I was working on my study outline and after about two plus hours of work I was ready to head home. My shoulder was super achy to the point that the pain was consuming my thoughts. I was ready to hit the hay. I saved my work to what I thought was the desktop, closed it and then went to email it to myself. Note, before closing the thought came to check the desktop before closing the file. I had followed that procedure the night before and it was fine and I was sure it was fine. Well the file I saved was not on the desktop. Panic ensued. I opened the previous file from my email and clicked on save as so I could see where it would have been saved. I found it in some temporary internet file I couldn’t find and/or access. Luckily for me, about five minutes previous, one of the guys I go to school with, Scott Fields, had come to the computer lab and Scott just happens to be a computer genius. However, when Scott couldn’t seem to find it, all hope was lost. The peace and comfort of almost getting caught up was lost, now I was going to be even further behind after staying late. But he did it! He was calm, cool and collected the whole time. He didn’t panic. I could have kissed him, but he’s married and I don’t think Darrell would take to kindly to me kissing other guys. It was a serious tender mercy. Even after I ignored the first prompting, Heavenly Father still helped me out. If Scott wouldn’t have been there I don’t know what I would have done.

The Prankster

2009-01-16T19:01:00.003-05:00

Darrell really enjoys getting reactions out of me. He knows exactly what buttons to push and will continue to push them until he gets the reaction he is seeking. For example, we'll be chillin on the couch watching TV and I'll get up to go to the restroom and I come back and see that Darrell is no longer sitting on the couch. Even though I know he is just around the corner and is going to pop out, say something or grab me, I still scream even though it is anticipated. Well the other night, he got me really good. I have a Nextel radio for work. It is either clipped to my pants or when I get off work I usually put it in my purse, that way when I'm making the mad dash out the door in the mornings I won't forget it. I was off work and out running around and so I decided to leave the radio at home. My phone doesn't get really good reception in some areas, so a missed call doesn't always show up but if you leave a message I'll get notification of a new voice mail. I went to check my phone and saw that I had a voice mail. It was a creepy message. At first I was convinced it was Darrell, but when I went to call the message leaver back it was my work phone. But remember my work phone is at my house. So whoever called had to be at my house or at least at my house at some point. I of course call Darrell, my boyfriend, protector, body guard...you get the idea. He's a big guy 6'2" 200 plus pounds and scruffy. I want him to meet me at my house to make sure no one is there waiting for me. So I explain to him what is going on . I thought for sure he would come charging over on his white horse to rescue his damsel in distress....I guess I watch too many movies because that is totally not what happened. Here is the paraphrased conversation. It was like a 3o min conversation on my drive home...

Me: Darrell, someone left me a creepy message on my phone from my work phone and my work phone is at my house. So whoever called is at my house. Will you come over and make sure its okay?
Darrell: I told you I couldn't come over tonight because I have things to do. You could have at least come up with something plausible if you were trying to trick me into coming over.
Me: I promise this isn't a trick. Someone left me a creepy message and the only way is if they were in my house.
Darrell: You are over-reacting. It's just a garbled message and your making a big deal out of nothing.
Me: I promise I'm not messing around. I am really scarred. Please come over. Once you see everything is okay, you can go back to whatever it was that you were doing.
Darrell: You are being ridiculous. You're a big girl. I can't believe you're acting like such a baby.
Me: I am not being ridiculous, someone left me a creepy message. Will you at least listen to the message so you can listen to what I'm talking about?
Darrell: I am not going to listen to some message. Everything is fine. Call me when you get home.
Me: I am not going into that house by myself! Darrell I really am freaked out. You're going to feel really bad if something happens to me...
Darrell: Nothing is going to happen to you....I've gotta go. Call me when you get home. Bye.

So not only am I scarred, now I'm mad because Darrell is acting like nothing is the matter and I'm a big baby, but he calls back.

Darrell: I know you're really freaked out, but I promise it's nothing. I'll stay on the phone with you while you go inside. If I leave now I won't be there in time.
Me: Darrell I'm not going into this house by myself.
Darrell: Just do it. I know you can.

Deep down I thought it was him. But he was so convincing and when I pulled in the driveway I didn't see his car. So then I really started to freak out. I walk down to my house, protesting the whole time. I get to my front door and I swing it wide open and I don't see or hear anything. I take two steps inside. My house is pitch black and I have to walk half way in to turn on the light. But there is no way I'm going to do that. So I decide to turn around and flip the outside light to at least begin to see. When I turn around I hear someone or something move. I SCREAM like a little girl. And then....Darrell starts laughing. The big punk is sitting on my couch. He had left something at my house and came by to pick it up and saw my phone and decided to scare me. I was trembling so bad that I had to sit down. He got me good...but now I need to get him back....

I don't think Darrell reads my blog, but just in case send your revenge ideas to me at mandrews06@hotmail.com I'll let you know what happens....

Political Commentary II

2009-01-07T22:48:00.002-05:00

So, I have all this stuff floating in my head that I'm hoping if I put it in words I can get it out of my head and make room for important stuff like law school. I don't follow the stock market, mainly because I don't understand it. So maybe my ideas are too simplistic, but heck since it's easy let's try it! It seems that when ever the stock market takes a dive that it is due to some news that was reported. The news media is the spin master, so why don't they spin some of that stuff in a positive light and see if the stock market responds positively. For example the divorce statistic is about 40% of marriages end in divorce (at least when I was studying that stuff like 3 years ago). So the media could report it in one of two ways. First, nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Or second, 60% of Americans have successful marriages. They both say basically the same thing, but think of how each statement make you feel. 60% of marriages survive, people play the lottery with worse odds than that. So instead of the house market took a dive or new home sales are down, compare the figures with a time when they are up. There is also the adage if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. If you can't report good things about something, find something you can. It just seems that some media outlets want America to fail. Which is rather ironic seeing as how the laws of this country give them the freedom to destroy that which allows them to survive. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. On the same note....not that I've done an in depth analysis or anything, but just a casual observation of a few things. I think about the "greatest generation" it was a book written by Tom Brokhaw. I listened to it on CD, but that is not the point. I think of the full on propaganda campaign by the government and carried out by the media of "Go USA" and support the war effort and we're proud of what we are doing. What a difference compared to the coverage of today's conflict. Not that I know much about the wars, but it seems they had a lot of the same end in mind, get rid of evil leaders and spread freedom. So why is the coverage so different? We are doing a lot of good things out there? Why isn't the media screaming on the top of the mountains about our fight to give others the right to free speech. Not to mention the rights of women being granted and protected by our armed forces. Why haven't all the so called "feminist" picked up on that? Once again, this is your host Late Night Ramblings, signing off.

Political Commentary

2009-01-06T23:39:00.002-05:00

Note: I have nothing against poor people. I do, however, take issue with lazy people.

I worked for the Department of Health and Human Services (aka the Welfare Department) in the State of Nevada. I processed applications for Food Stamps, TANF, and Medicaid. Any one who has ever worked for the "welfare department" knows it doesn't work. I did intake which meant it was a new application for welfare or someone who's benefits had been discontinued (voluntarily or involuntarily). There were two rarities: those who actually could not survive without government assistance and those who were first time applicants. The large majority of the people I interviewed had their benefits involuntarily discontinued usually due to failing to meet program requirements. I would have "clients" during tax season who paid less taxes than I did, mainly because their work history was generally non-existent and yet they received exorbitant tax returns which were almost always for more than they actually paid in taxes some of their refunds were for the total amount or more of what I paid in taxes. I take no issue in helping out those who truly need the help, but I do take issue to "entitlements". I can't tell you how many times I heard "It's not your money, why do you care?" I couldn't say anything at the time, but if I could I would have said, "Money doesn't grow on trees, all of the benefits you get are because hardworking individuals like me have jobs and pay taxes. So it is my money and I'm going to make sure you cross every t and dot every i before I approve your application." Or the voicemails of clients who failed to comply even after a granting of an extension and would not receive benefits would put the blame on me for them not being able to feed their children. On rare occasion I would have a client who truly needed the assistance, generally they had a strong work history and due to illness or loss of employment due to lay-offs needed temporary assistance. I had no problem going above and beyond the call of duty to get them whatever they could qualify for. Many of my clients received free or heavily subsidized housing, assistance with utilities, food stamps, and on top of that cash. So why do I talk about this? The tax plan or economic stimulus package or the whatever you would like to call it will not work. Hold on ...epiphany. The problem is when times are tough people begin to save more and spend less which is hurtful to an economy when you need to spend money. So the plan to give those who pay no taxes a tax refund is appalling, but if you need to infuse money into the economy I guess that is one way of doing it. A lot of my clients would blow through whatever little money they had, no thought of a penny saved is a penny earned. However, I think the tax payers should be rewarded. What would the fair thing be? I agree with the tax holiday. Using the remainder of the bailout to fund federal programs while the hardworking lower, middle, and upper class get a break from paying taxes. There is so much more I want to say and talk about but I must sleep. Which is apparent by my failure to make a cohesive argument. I wish my brain had an on/off switch. Random!

Friendalicious!

2008-12-28T17:35:00.020-05:00

I have the greatest friends in the world, if you don't believe me, just read my blog comments.

This one is for you guys.

Note:

These are in no particular order....at all....
I regret to say that my descriptions are inadequate to describe the impact each individual has had on my life. I wish for a moment you could share my head with me and see what I think and feel for each one....
Also this list is not all inclusive. If I left you off it was inadvertent.
I'll talk about my family later.

Norma

I don't think Norma knows I even have a blog. Norma and I have been friends since middle school. When we both left for college we kinda grew apart. However, I still consider her to be one of my good friends and I am grateful for the sanity she provided me during those rough middle school and high school years. We had quite the time! We laughed and cried a lot. I never would have survived without her.

Chelsea

Chelsea was my first roommate after the mission. We only lived together for a year, but it completely altered my life. Chelsea taught me the importance of making your home a sanctuary. She also made me want to be a lady. (Not an easy task for a rough and tumble tomboy.) Chelsea showed me you could still be feminine and have fun. I'll never forget...I think we were at FHE and in true Chelsea style she turned to some one and said, "You got tickets?" I can't remember if the person even responded or just looked at her perplexed. She struck a pose and responded in her best show"person" voice..."to the gun show!" It still makes me laugh today. Chelsea made the transition back to life from the mission easy. I saw an awesome returned sister missionary who found balance. She managed life, spirituality, and fun. I know it wasn't easy, but she did it. I'll never forget coming home after work and school and Chelsea would have a plate of food for me in the fridge. Can't ask for any more than that!

Becky

I met Becky my freshman year of college in Spanish class. Due to Becky's extraordinary efforts of keeping track of me we have been able to keep in touch. It's been fun to see her transition into different stages and watch her family grow. I don't think I have ever heard a negative word from her mouth. She is always optimistic and upbeat...even after 3 natural (no drugs) childbirths.

Jami

Jami was my last roommate in Vegas. She was there for the ending of the Walter drama and the TJ whirlwind. She was always so patient and understanding even when my own drama caused her great inconvenience. I have never known someone so busy. She taught school, was working on a Masters, and went above and beyond the call of duty as the advisor to the Polynesian club. We spent many a night in the living room watching Grey's Anatomy and making costumes for her club. The kids did an amazing job as performers, little did they know how much it took for Jami to organize everything. Jami and I had a lot of similar experiences. It was nice to talk about the things in my life with someone who I knew truly understood what I was going through. Jami is responsible for my accessories. She was always flawlessly accessorized.

Jeff

Jeff and I met in my last ward at BYU. I can't remember exactly how it went but I think we were linked by cookies. I liked to make them and he liked to eat them. This sparked a fantastic whirlwind relationship between 114 and 104. There was this one night when my fantastic roommates (mentioned below) and myself were up late one night and decided to shred all the paper we could find. Somehow we convinced ourselves that we could "quietly" tape garbage bags around Jeff's apartment door and fill it with our shredded treasure. That way when they opened the door in the morning, the shreds would flood their apartment. However, we forgot about Jeff's insomnia and we got caught. So, then they came to our door to do the same and we got the great idea that we would soak them with buckets of water. We opened the door threw the water and it came back! They used the plastic bags as shields....it was fantastic! The great thing about Jeff is that he loves everyone. During a tough time in my life, Jeff came to Atlanta on business and we got to hang out. He has no idea how much that meant. Someday I'll make the trip back to the motherland...

Natalie & Josie

These are the aforementioned roommates. I will talk about them individually, but I thought I would give some background. In the land of Provolandia where 22 is old and 24 is ancient, I had one foot in the grave at the age of 26. Everyone who surrounded me was young. My old roommates were getting married and/or moving on and I was getting some new ones. I was super "excited" when I found how young they were (the author sarcastically typed). Plus, they were like best friends and I expected to be on the outside of many inside jokes. Even though I was five years or so older, they never made me feel old. I can't even begin to describe the amount of fun we had, I don't even think there is a scale sufficiently large enough to measure it. Plus they readily accepted me. There was forting and farting (not real farts, but arm farts). Refrigerator magnets and mini-me. Thousand Island dressing and 345, 982, and 565 were some of the really good ones.

Natalie

As a math major you would think she was dry and boring. SO NOT THE CASE! She is a creative genius and a fireball of fun! She has a sweetness (childlike innocence) and is easy to talk to.

Josie

TOAST! I can't even think of words to describe Josie. Laughter is one that comes to mind. There was lots and lots and lots of that. Josie and I were on the same wave length. It's hard to describe that. Amazing.

Moye (aka Katie)

I met Katie in the MTC. She was my coordinating sister. We were going to the same mission and she was always a great support. Although, we never were companions, we shared a troublesome companion. We served in our last areas together. What a blessing. The great thing about Katie is we can go months without talking and then effortlessly pick up right where we left off. It would figure that she would move to AZ when I moved to GA. Katie was my salvation on the mission. I looked forward to transfers just to be able to talk to her. She is one of my greatest cheerleader and can always empathize with me.

Lisa

Lisa was one of my first roommates at BYU and an original Manor Down Diva. We shared a room at Manor Down. Late Nite was much fun. Like clockwork she was out like 10 or 10:30 and up at like 6 or 6:30. I can't remember which. Shortly after falling asleep she would begin talking which made for some interesting late night conversations. I love Lisa. She is an amazing young woman with serious standard stamina.

Chante

I met Chante my first Sunday in the singles ward here in GA. We hit it off immediately and became fast friends. Chante has always supported and stood by me through some very difficult times. I am by far the greater beneficiary of this friendship. Chante is classy and energetic. She has been my anchor and I will forever be indebted to her.

Darrell

This is the most recent photo I have. You can't really see him all that great in the Santa suit. I don't quite know how to begin with Darrell. I wouldn't say it was love at first sight because love is a strong word. There was that instant connection as if I had known him for a long time. He teases me incessantly. He knows just what to say to get a reaction out of me. Yet he is supporting, understanding, patient, and non-judgemental. He has a quick wit and kind heart.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-28T00:31:00.003-05:00

So, its a little crooked. There isn't enough room in my apartment for a tree. Last year I was too busy moving and getting ready for the LSAT to really have any time to decorate. This year although things were crazy I was determined to decorate. What you see is the extent of my decorations, plus my Christmas bounty. Seeing how I wasn't expecting any gifts, I really cleaned up!

The Spirit of Christmas

2008-12-23T19:36:00.006-05:00

This is my absolute favorite Christmas decoration. When I was a little girl, the day after Christmas my Aunt Carol would take us to buy a Christmas decoration. I can't remember when I bought this, but I treasure it. Jesus truly is the reason for the season. While Christmas can become a materialistic frenzy, it's all about our frame of mind. Stores are filled with people searching for that perfect gift, selfishness is set aside and instead of thinking about what we can get, we do a little thinking about what we can give. The epitome of this is Santa Claus. I have always believed in Santa Claus, not in the figure that comes down the chimney and travels around the world in a single night, but in the spirit that motivates him to do so. If we were all like Santa Claus, who spends the entire year preparing for one single night, how different would the world be? He never expects anything in return and receives no pay for what he does. He gives selflessly of his time, talents, and resources. Why? I like to believe the reason is depicted in the image above. His generosity is the expression of his love for his Savior. Even Santa Claus needs a redeemer. How grateful I am for my Savior. How I wish I had the devotion of Santa Claus to serve selflessly year-round. Too often I am caught in the rush and hustle of life and I get caught up in all the commotion. Yet, there are seasons and holidays that inevitable turn my thoughts heavenward. I know my Redeemer lives.

Tales from the Laundromat

2008-12-12T19:53:00.002-05:00

So I was sitting in the laundromat, yet again on another Friday night. Fortunately for me the last couple Fridays have not been too bad, no more run-ins with creepy laundromat men who talk about their dirty underwear. However, I was "enlightened" by a conversation I overheard. There is a pretty hefty murder trial going on in Atlanta. The jury convicted, but they can't come to a unanimous decision on the sentence. So a couple of people were doing a little "deliberating" themselves trying to decide how many "years" were in a life sentence. I just about fell out of my chair laughing, but I kept it in. The most persuasive argument was that it had to be more than 25 years because it is "25 years to life". It was the highlight of my day!

My Hero

2008-10-26T10:10:00.009-04:00

In third grade the theme for the PTA's Reflections Program was heros or something like that. For those of you who aren't familiar with the Reflections Program from what I can remember the national PTA association picks a theme and students around the country can enter poems, stories, and artwork related to the theme to be judged. I think I had entered the contest before, but that is not the point of this story. The theme was heros and I decided to write a story to enter into the contest. Who was my hero? My brother Josh. That is just as applicable today as it was back then. Josh is one of those unsung heros; most of what he does goes unnoticed and Josh never calls attention to himself. I had my mom email me the pictures in this entry and they made me laugh and cry at the same time. Josh has an incredible story. He was born with several and severe medical problems. He had a heart murmur, one functioning kidney, and his left tibia bone was unformed. This required heart surgery (performed by Russell M. Nelson, who also gave him a blessing) and a below the knee amputation of his left leg when he was about a year old. There were probablly many other operations and complications, but I was just a child so I don't know all the details, maybe my mom can fill in what I miss. I don't think Josh ever saw himself as disabled, I know we certainly didn't. Most of the time you wouldn't even know he was an amputee, unless he showed you or he was wearing shorts. I never remember Josh complaining. He had to have other operations to try to correct the bone growth, maybe Josh can explain it better, but the bones grew back in wierd ways that cause Josh a lot of pain. Yet, you would never know it. Today Josh works long hard hours and deals with pain. Yet, he never complains. I am proud of Josh for working so hard to support his family and be a good father and husband, I know it can't be easy, but he keeps pushing forward. I thought I would share some of my favorite Josh stories.

I remember there was this kid who wasn't being very nice to Josh and Star punched the kid and gave him a bloody nose. Star and I might not have always been as nice to Josh as we should have been, but if anyone else tried to give him crap they'd have to deal with two older sisters.

Pulling off the prothesis was always an adventure. I would grab one end and Star would grab the other and we would pull until the suction gave way and the prothesis came off.

Josh would spend hours in the backyard digging holes for swimming pools or basements. He was also always inventing or creating WMDs catapults, potato guns, and other things involving fire and loud noises.

Josh was always very tender with his younger siblings. He loves "Pooter" aka Christy Cora. I remember when she was just a baby and how much Josh would hold her and play with her.

Josh has always been a hard worker. Josh's summer chores usually involved digging deep holes for the orchard my parents planted in our front yard.

I haven't always been a great big sister. I should have been a lot nicer to Josh a lot of the time. I should have been more understanding. But that doesn't mean that I don't love Josh or think that he's one of the most amazing people I know. I get mad at myself and others when we fail to see what Josh does and the sacrifice it takes and the meaning behind it. Josh will never call attention to himself or say "Look what I can do". Whether you recognize it or not, Josh will continue to give his best effort. Hard work is the way the Andrews men express their love for those they care about.

I'm never really good about expressing my love and affection. But I want Josh to know how much I love him and how proud I am of him for the sacrifices he makes to take care of his family. I am blessed to call him my brother.

ThIs OnE iS fOr YoU mOm!

2008-10-12T16:44:00.019-04:00

This is how I wanted my hair done color and all, but with a little more of an a-line.

These were other cuts that I liked. I like the color on this one, but not so chunky.

I really wasn't ready to go this short, but I like the cut but wanted it a little longer.

I have had this drama about what to do with my hair since like the beginning of time. I am never happy with it. I just haven't found my look. Yet, at the same time, I don't want to have to committ to a look, I like to change it up a bit now and then. But I always seem to get more of the same thing. Armed with these pictures I went to my stylist and told her that I liked all three but I really wanted the first one. That way I could gradually make my way shorter. After 4 hours, this is what I got:

My part is as straight as...Richard Simmons!

You can't really see the back of my hair but you get a great view of my overflowing garbage can!

Those are some puffy lips! Check out those bags...someone must not be getting enough sleep!

My left eye is playing peek-a-boo!

Still got that joker smile...(and acne)....
You wanna piece of this?

2008-10-03T20:01:00.003-04:00

ODE TO THE LAUNDROMAT
(I wrote this ironically while at the laundromat)

Image Courtesy of:

http://www.colectiv.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/laundromat.jpg

Note: Use of this image does not in anyway denote that I approve or disapprove of the content of the site from which I "borrowed" the image. Only that I liked it best of the laundromat photos I "googled"

Not that I know what an ode really is, but it felt like the right title. I'll be very excited when I re-enter the world of people who have their very own, non-coin operated washer and dryer. I've used laundromats before, but only in Provo and only where the use of said machines was restricted to use by the tenants of the various BYU abodes that I once called my apartment. While providing some great culture shock and exposure to the four seasons, Georgia has also given me the great opportunity to visit my very first "public" laundromat, where anyone can come in and use the machines as long as they are willing and able to fork over $2.00 in quarters per wash load and $.25 for every 5 minutes of dry time. Normally I plan to be at the laundromat when there really is no one else there. I have found Thursday after work to be such a time. On occasion and usually due to circumstances beyond my control I have to go on Fridays. I avoid Fridays at the laundromat like I avoid canned corn (I hate the stuff). I mean who knew that the laundromat is the place to be early Friday evening. I would write you a long laundry list (pun intended) of the reasons why I avoid the laundromat on Friday, but I feel the following conversation should suffice, if not I guess I'll write the list. Here is a "typical" Friday night conversation at the laundromat with some random member of the male species who of all the women in the laundromat (or after all ready striking out with every other female within a ten mile radius) has decided I am the one he will grace with his presence.

Male Patron: So, you come here often

Me: (trying to continue studying while precariously balancing numerous books and assorted writing and highlighting instruments in my lap) Uh...

Male Patron: (undeterred by my non-response) Yeah, I opened my dresser and I didn't have any clean underwear and I said guess I better do laundry. Didn't know it would be so crowded on a Friday.

Me: (see above and add with a look that says I can't believe he said underwear) Uh...

Male Patron: Yeah, so ...

(at this point the friendly laundromat person in charge (FLPIC) interrupted)

FLPIC: Dryer 6 is now available

Male Patron: Guess I better go dry my clothes.

Me: (HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!)

What about leaving the laundromat to be outside away from everyone while carrying many books says, "Please random stranger man, please come talk to me about your lack of clean undergarments"? Someday, I'll have my own washer and dryer...minus the weird creepy laundromat males.

Lesson 1 - Adverse Possession

2008-09-20T17:54:00.004-04:00

Law school has been an interesting experience so far. Now that I'm a month into my first semester, I'm pretty much a professional. All kidding aside, for some reason law school has made me want to be more aware of what is going on in the world around me. Pre-mission I was pretty into politics and what was going on around me, but after my mission I just kinda fell into this lull where I was happy and prosperous and what was going on in the world didn't really matter. Then I listened to Obama and I realized it was time to wake up and take action.

In my property class we have been learning about something called "adverse possession". It's a legal way to "steal" real property (land) in the United States. The basic concept is this:
(1) A (not the true owner) acts as if he/she were in fact the true owner
(2) A makes it known that he/she is claiming ownership and does so in such a manner that the true owner should be aware ("put on notice") that A is claiming that which does not rightfully belong to him/her
(3) the true owner takes no action against A to remove him from his property or any other action to rebut A's claim that he is the true owner (the true owner fails to demonstrate "due dilligence")
(4) the statute of limitations has passed (depending on the statute in your state anywhere from 5 to 60 years)
(5) if all the conditions are met, the true owner can lose his title to the land and A, the person "acting" as owner, can become the true owner.
There are other conditions that must be met and the adverse possession statute/law varies from state to state, but that is the general idea.

I was sitting in Gospel Doctrine the Sunday after I first learned about the concept of adverse possession, the lesson was on the war chapters in the Book of Mormon (my favorite part of the Book of Mormon). I started thinking about Captain Moroni and all that he did to protect what was his. Then it hit me, Satan is an adverse possessor. F rom the beginning his mission has been to take that which is not rightfully his. Sometimes we allow Satan to take foot on our "property" by our intentional actions, either by doing something we know to be wrong or by not doing what we know to be right. If we take no action against Satan and we let it go on for long enough he will become the rightful owner of whatever he possesses: our souls, our family, our homes, our country, etc. It reminded me of that quote "All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." And so it is with many things in our life, that which we fail to defend, we lose. We can't count on anyone to defend that which is ours, that is left up to us.

Allow me to get on my soapbox for a brief moment. I am not a doomsayer or a pessimist or a conspiracy junkie. I believe America to be the greatest nation on earth. I am optimistic about our future. I know there are rough times ahead, but we've been through tougher. We can't simply listen to what is being said or in some cases to what isn't being said. Our participation must go much deeper. We have to think about the consequences and outcomes and how it will affect life as we know it. More than anytime before I feel that our system of government and way of life are in serious jeopardy. More than anytime before I feel that our country is at a crux. We have two choices before us and I feel one of those choices will certainly lead to destruction. This is not a time to sit idly by, we must defend that which is rightfully ours. If we fail to do so we will lose all that we hold dear, bit by bit and piece by piece until there is nothing left to protect.

One more thing, the Book of Mormon was written specifically for our day. There is much in there about government and people and those who try to usurp power. I always found those chapters to be intriguing, but never actually thought about how it applies to our day. As you read the story of Amalikiah and the king men and go through the war chapters, think about how those times mirror our times. Look how quickly the Nephites go from righteous prosperity to the brink of destruction. Think about our day, think about how quickly we to go through the pride cycle. All that is need for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing or as John Bytheway added for good men to be doing something else.

It's ABOUT time!

2008-08-31T17:57:00.002-04:00

I've been having a really hard time deciding what to write about. I get a bunch of ideas, but then never really follow through with them, which isn't always a bad thing...especially when I'm standing on my soapbox, all by myself.

But that aside, I have a few blogs that I read, mostly my family and friends that I consider part of my family and I miss each of you dearly. So I'm going to dedicate this post to ya'll! (Post rhymes with toast which always makes me think of you! And you know who you are!)

It's amazing to watch your lives unfold. For example, take my cousin Ben. I have never met his wife or his son. I don't even think I've seen Ben since he's come home off of his mission. The Ben I always remember was for whatever reason trying to step on my toes. But I do digress...I was reading their family blog and thinking I've never even met Robyn or Connor but I know them, or at least know about them.

I watch your children and families grow. I am always amazed to look at ya'lls families and see the struggles you each have to overcome and that just amazes me. I have one bad day and I throw in the towel and consign myself to the couch or the bed, but when you have a family, you don't have that luxury. You have to keep on moving forward whether you want to or not and you do it successfully.

I love how your blogs are full of hope and positivity, (if that's a word). No matter the challenges you all have this "Bring it on, you can't get me down" attitude. My favorite thing about reading your blogs is they are so full of your personalities. Reading your stories and tales I can hear your voices as if you were right there next to me telling them yourself. What an inspiration it is to me!

Some of you are professionals at this whole family thing, some of you still have some kinks to work out, and others are just stepping forward to take the next step in the journey...and then there is me the lone single. Maybe the reason I am still single is so that I can be your personal cheerleader and not be so caught up in my own family that I can take the time to appreciate yours. I rejoice when you rejoice, I cry when you struggle.

I don't say it enough to any of you, but I think each and everyone of you are so amazing. I see the odds against which you struggle to start your family and to add to your posterity. I watch how your personalities play into your parenting, and if some of you are wondering why your kid(s) do what they do, take a look in the mirror! As I read postings about something one of your children has done or see a picture or a video (if I'm really lucky) I can see where these kids get it!

If a few short years ago someone would have told us where we would all be right now at this moment would any of us have believed it? I certainly wouldn't have, at least for me...going to law school...in Georgia?!? Law school was something I talked about, but I never really believed it was something I would do, but I'm doing it. And law school will be over in four short years (right?). But for those of you with families, it doesn't end. So while going to law school and hopefully graduating will be a huge accomplishment, what you guys do everyday forever far exceeds my little law school thing. So hats off to you! Maybe someday I'll join the married folks club, but for now I'm content to be on the outside looking in at each of your amazing and unique families!

Oh so Not so Funny stories

2008-07-21T18:10:00.003-04:00

So these are somethings that I found rather entertaining - you don't have to laugh.

1. There is this guy that works in my building that I find attractive. It's one of those things where he is just nice to look at. I'd never approach him, he'd never approach me. We'll just say he's my eye candy. On Friday as I was leaving he was walking out the door and then it happened...I saw his wedding ring. So needless to say no more eye candy. (I know its not really funny, but I laughed to myself. I guess if you've been there you could chuckle. ANYWAY!)

2. I went to the singles dance on Friday, probablly the last one I'll go to...ever. There is a new kid in our ward and as he doesn't know a lot of people I chit-chatted with him so he wouldn't feel left out. So he made the comment about how he really likes our ward and that everyone seems to have fun. Which made me wonder, what was his single ward like back home? So I asked. His response, "They were kinda boring and really didn't do a whole lot and besides they were like 28 (implying that was old)." My response, "I'm older than 28 so what does that make me?" His response, "(I wish I had a hole to crawl into) Really?" I have to give the kid credit though, other than some of the chaperones (notice I did not say all) I was the oldest young single adult there. How else was he supposed to know I was old? (Sigh.)

3. Yesterday I went to a friend's house for dinner. After being gone all day I really had to go the bathroom, but I have a phobia of using other people's bathrooms unless it is an utter and dire emergency (no, that is not the funny part). I had to go to the bathroom but I knew I could wait to get home. By time I got home it was an utter and dire emergency. So I flew up the steps and ran towards the bathroom. I went to flip on my bedroom light, but it wasn't working (which is the case 99.9% of the time). So I began to feel my way to the bathroom. I finally made it and felt my way to flip on the light in the bathroom. I flipped the light on and that's when I realized my eyes were closed! For some odd, strange, and unknown reason I had shut my eyes! Instead of using what little light there was I decided to make it more challenging. I laughed out loud at myself.

I am well aware that I am probablly the only person who laughed or found these stories amusing and I am okay with that!

I love my George Foreman!

2008-06-22T19:38:00.012-04:00

The people that I live with have a garden and they shared their summer harvest with me. I had two huge zucchinis and no clue what to do with them. Since I do not own the cookbook "Cooking with Squash", I had to come up with my own ideas. So, I decided to grill them. Since I didn't know if I would like grilled squash I decided I had better marinade them or put some sort of coating to hide the squash flavor in case it was gross. I took a little olive oil, a dash of italian seasoning, a dash of garlic salt, and a dash of onion salt. I cut the zucchini into 1/2" thick, round slices and very lightly coated each side with my concoction. Then I tossed them onto the George Foreman grill for a couple of minutes and then I turned them over and grilled them for a couple more minutes. So how did it turn out? Let's just say it was gone before I could get the next batch off the grill. No, let's say it was so good that I crave grilled zucchini. I eventually ended up with some that I didn't eat and I tossed them in a pan with some sauteed onions and pasta and added a little more olive oil and seasonings, it was super good. Then today I decided to have grilled zucchini again. This time I added a little balsamic vinegar to the concoction. I ate it as a side with chicken and rice. I put some in the fridge for later, but I could have ate the whole zucchini.

2008-06-16T12:58:00.002-04:00

Being away from home is hard sometimes. I mean look at those kids, who wouldn't miss those faces! Not to mention my 3 other nephews and nieces and add to that my siblings and extended family. I missed my little brother's graduation, Suzy's first date, and the countless athletic events they participate in that I LOVE to watch. It would be nice if I just lived a few hours drive from everyone, but for some reason, the Lord has something for me to do here in Georgia.

There are times though, when I have to ask myself, "Is it really worth it?"

I took great comfort in a comment made by President Eyring in the April 2008 General Conference (emphasis added).

"My sense of gratitude stems also from blessings to my family. It is the sealing power and our knowledge of it which changes and transforms our family life here and our expectations for the joy of family life in the world to come. The thought and the hope that I can have eternal relationships carries me through the trials of separation and the loneliness which are part of mortal existence. The promise to the faithful in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is that we may have associations and an expansion of families in the eternities. That assurance changes forever and for the better all of our associations in families."

"For example, I am at a stage in my life when, because of great distances, I cannot come to know well grandchildren and, in time, great-grandchildren. There are also people who have never had the opportunity for marriage and parenthood who have the same yearning as I do to somehow be close to family. Because of the restoration of the knowledge of eternal families, we are more hopeful and more kindly in all our family relations. The greatest joys in this life center in families, as they will in the worlds to come. I am so grateful for the assurance I have that if we are faithful, the same sociality which we enjoy here in this life will be forever with us in the world to come, in eternal glory."

http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-851-7,00.html

Here we see that an Apostle of the Lord, who is fulfilling and magnifying his calling and mission in life, has the same yearning I do, he feels the pangs of separation and loneliness. Yet, he does not dwell on it or use it as an excuse to shirk the duties he has been called to fulfill. Instead he is grateful, because he knows that we can be an eternal family and the trials of mortality are just that, mortal trials. If endured well, the trials of mortality will allow us to experience and have a much greater appreciation for the joys of immortality and eternal life.

This knowledge gives me the desire to make sure I do everything within my power and scope of influence to ensure that I can enjoy those special and sacred blessings. Having an eternal perspective makes it so much easier to choose the right; things become very black and white. All those little and sometimes big sins that could keep me from celestial glory are so much easier to avoid. If I get to the other side and an inappropriate movie, song, thought, or deed keeps me from my family, it will so not be worth it. That's why prophets, parents, and other church leaders teach us to AVOID certain things, because they KNOW the consequences. Sometimes we somehow justify in our minds that, it doesn't apply in our lives. Yet, we have the Book of Mormon a very strong witness that shows what will happen if we fail to heed the prophet and obey with exactness. The Nephites and Jaredites weren't guilty of heinous crimes at first, but the further away they fell, the greater their sins became. That is why we must hold fast and tight to the iron rod.

FAITHFUL AND EXACT OBEDIENCE DOES NOT ELIMINATE THE "FUN" and "JOY" WE CAN EXPERIENCE IN THIS LIFE, IT ENHANCES IT!

President Hinckley taught:

"I do not ask that you be prudes. I ask only that you choose the right."

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=3a667cf34f40c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1

"And, finally, in all of living have much of fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=024644f8f206c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=192a42629f5fb010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1

I have come to know for myself that true happiness can come only from full and complete obedience to the Gospel.

Be Happy

2008-06-12T20:50:00.000-04:00

This may come as a shock to some but for some reason I feel compelled to share my thoughts and feelings. For many years I struggled with the darkness of depression (for lack of a better word). Somewhere always lurking in the back of my mind were feelings of darkness and despair. I was never good enough, I always fell short. The harder I tried, the shorter I fell, or so it seemed. Even on my mission I continued to struggle. Some people feel that if you are doing what is right then life should be perfect. That is a HUGE misconception. Proof being that my mission is probably the most obedient I have ever been, and I still struggled. I remember flying home and feeling like a failure. A tender mercy came from my Heavenly Father during a sacrament talk after my mission when the Spirit bore powerful testimony that my mission was acceptable to the Lord. Nevertheless I continued to struggle. At times the battle was exhausting; I was zapped of spiritual, emotional, and sometimes physical strength. I did my best to hide my struggles. At times I was almost overcome by the darkness that enveloped me. I had moments of brightness when it seemed that the clouds were finally parting, but they still loomed in the distance threatening to overtake me. Yet, I always knew I had the power to choose, but sometimes I didn’t believe that I had the power to choose. When I moved to Georgia, I began to learn the lesson that “I can do hard things”. It became a source of strength and comfort. Not only did I now know that I could choose happiness, I believed it. For the first time I had faith that these feelings of darkness could be overcome. I recognized that I needed help and strength beyond my own to overcome them. With this realization and discovery a source of power came into my life. I began to see and believe that I was good enough, but still I needed something more. After counseling with a wise bishop he suggested that I attend the Church’s Addiction and Recovery Program. He said it wasn’t because I was an addict, but that the principles taught in the class would help me to understand and apply the atonement in my life. I balked at the idea at first, but nevertheless I attended. A transformation began to take place, a literal change of heart. For the first time in my life I was truly happy. I wasn’t putting on a happy face on the outside to hide the darkness inside, the light from within was now radiating out. My confidence soared, I wasn’t afraid anymore. I know who I am, not who I want to be or wish I was. I have tried long and hard to figure out what was the change? To this point I can only say it is a gift from God. I want to be clear on something that just because it’s a gift from God doesn’t always mean it is easy. He gave me happiness, I have to maintain it. I have to wake up each morning and still make that choice to be happy, which is easier some days and a real struggle other days. I still have to endure the storms of darkness because they still come at times, but I have the ASSURANCE that there is sunshine on the other side if I can just hold on. Back home in Vegas I don’t think anyone would classify me as a happy, sociable, outgoing person, but here in Georgia, that’s all anyone knows about me. In fact we were sitting at a Relief Society function and we were talking about mingling and making others feel welcome and wanted and needed. One of the sisters in the Relief Society (her and her husband are the couple assigned to the ward) commented on how I do a good job of seeking out those who are new and what not and making them feel comfortable and welcome. The wife of one of the counselors in the bishopric commented on how it is hard to reach out and that I was blessed because it came so easy. She then asked what the rest of us could do who didn’t have this natural ability. I interjected at this point, because it is not easy. Being social does not come to me naturally, I have to really work hard on talking to and introducing myself to those I don’t know. I’ve even had friends remark how they wish that they could be happy like me. I ALWAYS tell them that they can. Happiness isn’t something that just happens, it is something you create. I have discovered that although happiness can be challenging at times and some days it takes a lot of work, I would much rather be happy than be miserable. If I wanted life to be easy, I’d just be miserable because that hardly takes any work at all. One of my institute teachers said that insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results, or doing different things expecting the same results. If you like what you’re getting, keep doing what you’re doing, if you don’t CHANGE! I have found the closer I come to my Savior by doing the small things, the greater my blessings are. The wonderful thing about the gospel is that by small and simple things great things are truly brought to pass. It’s all about the simple things, the “primary answers” as they are called. The gospel is all about reading your scriptures, saying your prayers, attending and participating in your meetings. It is all about repentance daily, hourly and sometimes, as in my case, minute by minute. It’s about getting up every day and being obedient to even the smallest commandments. There isn’t any great or grandiose thing you have to do, it’s just the small every day things. If you don’t believe me, try it. Jesus taught that if any man would DO his will then he would KNOW of the doctrine. I didn’t think it would work, but it did, better than I could have ever expected. After all I had been doing all these things and I wasn’t happy. Nevertheless after enduring for at least 14 or 15 years, the blessings came pouring in. That may seem like a long time, but the sooner you start the sooner you will see the power of the Lord in your life and the sooner you will recognize that He has been there all along. I am so blessed. I know that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me. He patiently supports me and stands by me waiting for me to come home. I know the power of the atonement is REAL. It can and does cleanse me of sins and imperfections. It can fill in the holes and do for us that which we cannot do for ourselves. I know my Savior lives. I am grateful for His sacrifice on my behalf. I love the scriptures; I know they are the word of God. Power can come into our lives as we study and apply their teachings.

Getting There is Half the Fun

2008-06-04T18:48:00.000-04:00

There is this quote that I absolutely love. I wrote it down once upon a time, but I can't remember where I wrote it. ANYWAY...long story short I found it.

"But it is true intelligence for a man to take a subject that is mysterious and great in itself and to unfold and simplify it so that a child can understand it."

John Taylor, Journal of Discourses, 5:260

How many of us have been sitting in gospel doctrine or in any sort of religious class and someone starts throwing their gospel knowledge around. My biggest pet peeve is when someone takes something so simple and makes it complicated, especially when it doesn't have to be. That's why I loved teaching Primary. Those children had insight and understanding that put a lot of adults I know to shame.

But the best part about finding the quote, was finding the quote. That's because I found these cool resources in the process.

http://scripturalindex.byu.edu/

http://mormonstudies.byu.edu/

Joys of the YOUNG Single Adult Ward

2008-06-03T19:17:00.000-04:00

Sunday church was packed; we almost filled the first half of the center section. The congregation was full of recent high school graduates and weathered college freshmen who had just completed that arduous first year of college away from home. Mind you I am 29 years old and with the exception of a handful of people the majority of our ward is between the ages of 18 - 21. Meaning I could have baby-sat for or changed the diapers of most of the kids I go to church with. As I was musing on this idea, and the irony of it all I chuckled to myself. So grateful that those years were over and so excited for the years yet to come. In the midst of my pondering, one of the girls got up to bear her testimony. I wish I had a tape recorder. She welcomed the new members of the ward and offered her words of wisdom. She introduced herself as a “veteran” of the singles ward and with so many "young" people in the ward she is starting to feel really “old”. At this point, I actually laughed out loud, the people in front of me turned around even. But a few of them had smiles on their faces as well. Why? This "veteran" of four years is only 21 years old. I have been in the singles ward since she was in primary! She talked about the trials of having to pick a major and what to do with the rest of your life, as if that was the toughest thing anyone would have to do. She spoke of how difficult, it was to watch her friends get married and still be single, but that deep down she’s really grateful she didn’t get married at 19. At this point I was close to vomiting. I hope she wrote about that in her journal and I hope she stays single a really long time so she can appreciate the humor of that moment. I mean that honestly and without bitterness. If that is what your twenties are to you, what a loss.

I guess as I get older everything is put into its proper perspective. The things I worried about when I was younger, don't so much matter anymore. Ironically enough, the older I get the more I recognize how young I am in experience and how much life experience I have left to experience. I recognize that there are people who struggle with REAL problems and I am grateful that I am carefree. Sometimes it’s hard, but that last for such a small moment and then I realize how blessed I really am. I am glad I no longer feel the urge to have my entire life planned out for the next ten years. I have plans, but I have learned to be adaptable. Life hasn't gone according to my plan (thank heaven); it has turned out much better. Life is so short and so precious, and in the scheme of things the shortest time of my existence will be as a young single adult. Too many of us waste these precious years thinking, when I get married…then.... You have ETERNITY (a very long time) to be married, but only a few short moments to be single. Not that I am advocating unnecessarily prolonging your singleness, but merely advocating the embracing of it.

I am relishing getting older. I love the wisdom that comes with experience. The older I get the more I learn. My thirties will be much better than my twenties, not because my twenties will be finally over with, but because of the lessons I learned in my twenties. I hope to say the same of my forties, and fifties, and so on.

GA folks

2008-05-28T23:34:00.000-04:00

This is a photo from a farewell party for a guy in my ward who left on his mission. From left to right (the people who's faces you can see): Trisha (moved to ID), Chante (my lifesaver), Me, Christopher Ryan Peck (he left on his mission too, we're pretty good buds), Daniel Clyde Mobley (he goes by Clyde, he'll be leaving on a mission...soon we hope). I've spent a lot of time with Chris and Clyde....but I do miss Chris.

What do sweaters and the month of May have in common?

2008-05-28T22:26:00.001-04:00

We'll here in GA you wear them...here it is the end of May and I have on a sweater...earlier in the month, like in the middle to late end I wore them because it was cold enough outside for a sweater. Now that the weather is nice or hot as they say down South, I have to wear it inside because the air is on and its cold....or maybe they're just trying to freeze me out...

Another thing I love about GA today while I was stuck in my office it was beautiful outside, so much in fact that I came home for lunch and ate by the pool. I rolled my pant legs up and let my legs dangle in the water while I read my institute lesson for tonight. I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to coming home and throwing my suit on and swimming before institute. But no, it decided to rain. Which I am glad it did because we certainly need it, but why couldn't it rain while I was stuck inside and I could watch it from my window?

So I'm discovering that GA has this thing called seasons (I think that is how you spell it). As it is a foreign concept to us that are from Vegas I will explain. There is this thing called winter. It is cold and sometimes involves snow. You actually have to wear a jacket, even when the sun is shining. Well then the winter goes away and turns into this thing called spring. It starts to warm up and most of the time you don't need a jacket or even a sweater when the sun is shining. But don't get caught without when when its dark, it can get mighty chilly. Now summer is a little different. Its a WHOLE lot shorter and lot damper. One thing I am discovering is that I like the humidity. I like the muggy feeling. I haven't yet discovered why this is. It does nothing for my hair that already does nothing, but yet when most people are complaining about the mugginess I find myself somewhat delighted by the moist air. Then summer actually ends, can you believe that. It barely shows its head and then it disappears into fall. Leaves actually change colors and fall from the the trees.

I think the Lord is preparing me for a change of some sort. Obviously big changes will come this fall when law school starts. But generally when something begins to annoy me, the Lord is preparing me for something. My companions, no matter how wonderful they were (or weren't) they would seriously annoy me right before one of us was to be transferred. Same thing when I was getting ready to leave an area my superhuman patience that has become my trademark (syke) wore really thin. 'And there are more examples, but I don't want to expose all my weaknesses...So who knows just some insight into my life...

Home

2008-05-27T19:53:00.000-04:00

This is the place I call home. It is my refuge and safe place, most of the time. I really am going to miss it. I think that in January, most likely I will be moving to Atlanta, or at least a lot closer to it...

I took these pictures in like March with a funky camera that I haven't been able to get to work since. My place is usually cleaner than this. I don't know why I decided to take pictures of a dirty house....guess these shots won't be in Better Homes and Gardens....

This is where I hung the picture Mom got me for Christmas. The quote is my motto for life and has been copied down on many random pieces of paper by the many random people who frequent my home. It says, "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain." Good thing I like rain...but honestly I have a good life and I am richly blest.

The white dog is Simon. He spends most of his time with me. But this is my living/dining room. The blue mass behind the dog is really a chair covered in a sheet..but anyway that is where I discovered the dead lizard. It is now called the “dead lizard chair”…get it “dead lizard”…

This is my kitchen. Notice there is no dishwasher. Next time maybe I should do a little more cleaning before I start taking pictures…somethings never change…remember how it would take me hours to do my chores and I would do anything except for what I was supposed to be doing….in the background you can see the deep dark dungeon known as…my room….if you want to see a close up of my room, I guess you’ll just have to come to Georgia!

This is my pantry, well part of it…I don’t know why I took this picture. I guess to give you a close up….

This is where I cook. It is not a very cook friendly space, but it works. ..