Monday, August 22, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for progress and improvement, but for an intended end, not just progress and improvement for the sake of progress and improvement. I love many advances in technology. I remember when I lived 5 hours from home, a long, long time ago when cell phones weren't big and neither was the internet. It was hard, I missed my family. I called home once a week, I felt that I missed out on so much that went on while I was away. Now I live 3,000 miles away, but the gap seems much smaller from those days of yester yore when I lived only five hours away. Blogs, Skype, Facebook, free nights and weekends, unlimited long distance calls, really make my world seem so much smaller. I look at the way the church has embraced the dawn of the new day and really effectively used technology to reach out to members and non-members alike (I don’t really like those terms, but I haven’t come up with anything better, yet). Then I see parents at the store with kids iPod in ears, cell phone in hand texting away – zero human to human without the use of an electronic device contact taking place. Maybe if the iPod and the phone stay home some great conversation could take place. Really what does a teen need with a phone at all times? What could be so important?
Then I think of myself sitting on the couch with my boyfriend who I don’t get to spend enough time with anyway both of us on our phones, or one of us on a phone and the other on the computer. And heaven forbid we should speak and actually interrupt whatever important thing the other person must me doing. What gives? I guess its not all technology’s fault. I mean I can put the phone down, and literally that is what I intend to do. But its so easy. With so much so accessible, I’m more connected to the web then the people right next to me. I use my cell phone as an excuse not to make conversation in line at a store, on the elevator, walking to class, pretending to check very important email, when I don’t even have any signal. Its become a safety blanket, justification, excuse, and rationalization.
All this from the girl who didn’t get a cell phone until she was in the later part of her mid-twenties because she didn’t always want to be so accessible to the world and even then after she first got it would turn it off or leave it at home, on purpose a lot of the time.
I firmly believe technology is an addiction. Try leaving your phone at home – you’re panic stricken, anxiety levels rise, you feel out of sorts, you gotta have your phone, and when you’re reunited, what welcomed relief! What does that sound like to you? A junkie looking for her next fix? Heck, just try turning it off for awhile. How long did you last? See what I’m talking about? Scary huh?! I used to laugh when people would say they were addicted to Facebook. Now, I kind of get it. Again, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Facebook, I love that I can keep connected to people, but if Facebook is the connection there’s something wrong.
So the other day I got engaged, my announcement to the world, a Facebook post. I called my family, well my parents, because they don’t have Facebook, but for the rest of you I let you find out on Facebook, I could have called or even sent an email, but I didn’t I made a post. The sad thing is even if I wanted to call; I probably don’t have most of your numbers or addresses. Now granted, not all of you will want to hear from me personally or were even offended by a Facebook announcement and I’m not offended when I don’t get personal notification. I just think that at least for me, I’ve replaced human touch with electronic stuff.
So I’m an addict I’ll admit it, I’m not disciplined enough to just put it down and go cold turkey, so I’m de-teching. I’m doing away with the smart phone and just going back to why I got a cell phone in the first place, emergencies and talking to friends and family far away. I’m going to start sending cards and letters, not type written, but personal. I’m kinda old fashion and traditional anyway.
Not only is there human contact capital cost associated with technology, but then there is the actual cost. My smart phone costs me a little over $100 a month, not bad, (crazy how $100 has become chump change) but then you think that’s almost $1300 a year. $1300!!!!!! Oh there are so many things that I could do with $1300 that would be so much more valuable than what I do with my smart phone. So even if I pare it down to like $60 a month, that’s still a whopping $720 a year. So maybe we become a one cell phone house and one for emergencies. I can use the soon-to-be hubbies phone for his free nights and weekends and then use my phone only for emergencies and then we could pare that $720 a year down even more. That’s assuming I could get him to agree to that. I guess the other option is getting a land line, but I’m not sure how economical those things are now days or maybe Vonage or something of the sort around $360 a year, not bad and a little more each month for a pay as you go cell phone. Way better than $1300 that’s almost a $1000, that’s a fun vacation or money for a rainy day. In five years that’s close to $5000, that’s almost as much as I have ever paid for a car!
Then today I discovered eBooks through Google, technically I discovered them on Sunday (see explanation below), but today I really saw what eBooks was all about. Although, I’m quite convinced that Google is planning to take over the world (I’m not sure if it is a sinister plan or not), they do have some pretty awesome stuff. Lots and lots of free books, classics even that no one reads any more. All this wonderful stuff all at my finger tips, I can’t give up my phone now?! It is really helpful, I mean just this Sunday I was preparing my lesson for Primary and I meant to grab my copy of Jesus the Christ on the way out the door, but I forgot. Halfway through sacrament I remembered that I forgot. No problem, I whipped out the phone and through eBooks downloaded it for free. But I’m not going to use that as a crutch to hold onto my smart phone. So I thought instead of my phone I’ll just get an eReader of sorts a Kindle or Nook or something. I’d rather have books, paper ones even, the ones I can mark and hold and smell. The ones where I can remember where I read something by the way it looked on the page and how I had marked it. But the convenience factor of having an entire library a lot of it free at my finger tips is so very tempting.
That takes me to the next part, the disposable technology. So last year I bought my first cell phone that did more than just make calls and send texts, it retailed at like $500, but because I was due for an upgrade I only paid $150. Only a few months later, it was obsolete. It had just come out and within a couple of months a new 4G phone came out. I can’t even get accessories for my current phone. To me $150 was a chunk of change and $500 was beyond justification and but for the discounted price available via upgrade was the only reason I did. But it wasn’t so much the money, but the knowledge that I was forking out money for something that wouldn’t last. Although I had no idea that its life would only be months old. If technology is going to be disposable then it should be sold at disposable prices. I know that a lot of money goes into these developments and a lot of smart people spend a lot of time and energy, but still it is hard for me to want to fork out a good chunk of money for something that I know isn’t going to last and in a short while will need to be upgraded anyway because changes in technology make it not as useful and cumbersome. I wouldn’t mind putting $500 down for something that I new would last and I didn’t have the fear of it becoming obsolete shortly after my purchase. So if I get the latest and greatest Nook that’s $249. That’s $20.75 a month, if I only read the free books. I could easily spend that much a month on paper books. But if the thing will last 5 years that’s only $4.15 a month, if I only read the free books, but at $4.15 a month I can fork out some money and pay for some books. With the Nook I can highlight and take notes, although not quite like actually having the book in my hand, but I can have a whole lot more books in my hand at once and on demand. I like that as long as there isn’t a monthly service plan. I’m not sure how realistic my 5 year lifespan is for the Nook or that the thing will still be compatible and functional with other technology… That is my dilemma and why I’m so hesitant to make technology purchases. Take my laptop. I’ve only had the thing for three years and the screen is kaput, the rest of it still works fine although I’m sure there are things that work finer, it does what I need it to do. I really need to replace it, but just that fear of being obsolete freezes my purchase power.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The ring is gorgeous, the pictures really do not do it justice. But not only is it a beautiful ring, it is a very special ring. It is special because the diamonds in it belong to Darrell’s mom. That is my favorite part. It meant so much to me that she would give me her diamonds. I will treasure it always. The ring is one marquee cut stone and two smaller pear shaped ones. Because I can’t stop looking at it (Darrell tells me I’m going to wear it out) I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I like the three stones; they can symbolize so many things. The center stone can symbolize Darrell and me as the union of two families with one of the smaller stones representing his family and the other representing my own. The center stone can also represent God as the center of our relationship with Darrell and me being represented by one of the smaller stones. It also can symbolize the union of Darrell and me as we become one. It can also represent the past, present, and future. But enough of that I just feel so blessed.
I cannot say enough good things about Darrell. We met February 15, 2008. I met Darrell through our mutual friend Dave Wheeler who is now married to my good friend Darah Saxon Wheeler. I was immediately attracted to not only this incredibly tall handsome man, with dark hair and honey brown eyes, but his quick wit and kind heart. I was hooked. Darrell took a little more convincing and we started dating just before I started law school. Shortly after I was introduced to his family and immediately fell in love with everyone. They from the very start have taken me in as one of their own.
Our almost three year journey has been full of every emotion imaginable. We’ve faced and conquered serious trials and come out stronger, united, and deeper in love.
But through it all Darrell has been there for me when I needed him most. He has seen me through some of my darkest moments. Darrell has seen me at my worst and still loves me. He also pushes and inspires me to be my best. He’s supportive of me in my many endeavors and tolerant of my sometimes quirky traits. He has definitely divided my sorrow and more than doubled my joy.
I look forward to our new life together with anxious excitement.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
So I’ve been struggling lately. Things started to get better and then out of no where the crying spells began again. I missed my brother. Everything reminded me of how he wasn’t going to be there. It started with the people I live with. They had all their kids over one weekend and all I could think about was how in this life we’d never all be together again. Then it spiraled down from there. Then Sunday night, I had a dream. Prior to this whenever I had a dream about Josh, I’d wake up and have to convince myself that he was in fact dead. Then the whole grieving process would start again. It was miserable. This time, however, when I talked with him, I knew he was dead. I didn’t want to talk to him about how or why he died but we talked about everything else. I told him how much he is loved and how much he is missed. We talked about heaven and hell are like. It was very interesting and insightful. Then my alarm went off and he was gone. I was heartbroken all over again. I wasn’t done talking with him and it wasn’t like I could pick up the phone and call him. Then the tears began, again. Never having dealt with a loss like this, I wasn’t sure how it was supposed to go. I figured I would always miss him, but I just wanted to know when the bitter, heart wrenching pain would end. I called my sweet boyfriend, just to have someone to talk to about it. He was so comforting and reassuring. Together we came to the following conclusions. My desire to have Josh here is selfish. In the dream Josh was so happy and so at peace. He was finally free of all that earthly pain and misery that had plagued him for so long. How could I desire to take that happiness and peace from him, just so he could be here again? I guess it really is true that misery loves company. This is one of those moments where I have lost the ability to express what is in my heart and in my mind. If you could just take a glimpse inside, it is much more eloquently expressed there. Darrell said something along the lines of “Josh is happy, so why are you so miserable? He doesn’t want you to be miserable. You should be happy for him, he’s happy. He’s got two legs and he’s running around having a good time free from all that crap he had to deal with here. He’s the one that should be sorry that we still have to endure the pains of life.” He’s right. Don’t get me wrong, Darrell and I both love life and have no desire to leave this earth life a minute before we have to, but we both long for home. I guess the point of all this is that I still miss Josh. I still wish he were here with us. My desires aside, I am happy that he is happy. I’m not going to speculate on whether I actually spoke with Josh or if it was just a dream, because it doesn’t matter the lesson is still the same. In the dream Josh told me he had been trying to talk with me for a long time. Josh isn’t gone, he’s still here, in our minds and hearts. So even if I won’t see his face for a while, I hope that I will get to feel his presence. Since that really didn’t conclude things, I guess the final thought is I will be happy because he is happy and I know he’s here and while he won’t be there in person at all those events I want him to be at, I know he’ll be there in our hearts and our minds.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Thursday, November 4, 2010
PS I do not absolve myself of liability of having something worth voting for and I do realize that not only candidates are on the ballot. In the future I may consider voting on just the issues and not the politicians, but I have to give that more thought....